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Teen Poetry #7
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Devolute Me
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Devolute Me |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going 
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Devolute Me I've died slowly painful and tortured torn to oblivion by the tongue lashings butchered by all the lies do you love it yet? Eyes bloodshot, pupils detatched tear ducts expel only dust salt water floods the asphalt from the back patio to the front porch are we in love yet? slammed through walls and barriers did my spine crack or was it my life? stumbling over memories falling into judgemental eyes that only a love-lorn, world-torn long haired hippie freak could find can beauty love the swine? only love for inked paper and exhaust just walk all over me (isn't that love?) like a bear skin rug with welcome printed on the back just please leave your shoes at the door powers at be please just devolute me flash a "hang ten" sign and free me devolute me take these 3.D. problems and force feed them to a 2.D. world make me simple and one celled so that i may crawl and squirm away from the every day pain. just something i threw together when i had nothing to do. I hope you all enjoy it. Also if anyone could give me some comments to make the poem better that would bemuch appreciated. nice use of muffin |
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| © Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
I had to read it a few times to fully understand. I kinda get a sad feeling when I read it, but all around good. I like it! Keep it up |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
OK 1) you're use of rhetorical questions rocked 2) you have an amazing use of wording. I liked how you pieced it all together. 3) your flow lacked big time on certain parts. Im sure you can find them. Some lines just didnt seem to match, but that was very minute compared to how great the actual poem was. i even played guitar to it. Sounded cool lol good job  I want to read more from youI left my wallet in El Segundo... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
 ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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