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Teen Poetry #7
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Broken up.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Broken up. |
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA 
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Today is just another day, A day without you just the same. It’s funny how we spent time together day after day. But you just let go, and went a different way. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I feel lost and alone, and nothing left to do. You have clipped my wings so I can’t fly, I can only sit here and cry. Why did I say yes to you? Didn’t I know this is what you would do? I should have known, I just couldn’t see, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to be with you. But its clear that’s not what you want, even though you told me, Just so you could get what you want. I hope your sorry, cause you knew I wouldn’t give in. That was so low of you, I’m glad your gone. Yes I’m sad, but I’ll make it through. You made me hate you, what am I supposed to do? Just leave me be, that’s what I ask. I don’t want to be your friend right now, just let it pass. I will come around don’t worry about that. Just remember I wont want you back! |
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| © Copyright 2004 Stephanie M. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
Hey, nice write. I loved your point that you will get on with out him, that shows strenght. I really liked this one line: You have clipped my wings so I can’t fly, Keep it up! Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
That line that Tapper pointed out....there's a line almost identical to that in a 40 Below Summer song called Wither, it goes "clip my wings, without you I can't fly"...Well..I liked the poem, but I think it would be better without the rhyming because it seemed kind of forced, and if you force rhyming, a lot of the time, it doesn't turn out very good, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to be helpful to new writers, don't take this the wrong way, you say in your critique message that you just started writing, well I'm just trying to give you a few pointers. Keep writing. It's been awhile,since I've seen the way, the candles light your face. It's been a while, but I can still remember just the way you taste! ~StainD |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
this poem i felt it sooo intersting,,,thats what im truly scared of in life,,,welll sis just hang in there you will make it ,,love and respect peace I hate the world because it does'nt have a taste, i HATE the world because it does'nt have a color.!! |
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