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WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

0 posted 2004-06-16 03:11 PM

You left me so far behind
and you don't answer
when I reply, so quiet
Im starting to see your lies.

You can't scream
as loud as I can
when the pain comes roiling in
part of it was caused by you.

Don't say another word
Im glad you haven't
it helps me
become more indifferent.

Let go
go ahead
I don't know
if I care anymore

I was blinded
by a few words
I hadn't often heard,
"I love you."

When I think of the past
I miss you again
so keep ignoring me
jolt me back to the present,

where I don't think
I care anymore

I don't care
if all you said was lies
Im glad for the year we shared
even if this one's turning bitter.

Just don't remind me,
of how I loved you too
just let me stay in the present
where I can be indifferent.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2004-06-16 06:41 PM

I don't usually write "break up" poems. But what can I say, I was pushed to do it this time. I hope this one is alittle different from the "usual" of it's genre.
Thanks for reading.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2004-06-17 02:02 AM

When I read this to myself, the voice in my head was hardly more than a whisper. I love how there is a subtle power of emotion hidden behind a veil of indifference. Keep writing.

Strider612
Junior Member

since 2003-12-21

Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America

3 posted 2004-06-19 11:48 PM

That was a good poem for displaying the inconsistencies between how we act and appear and how we really feel inside. It also showed some of the conflict one has when there is a break-up. I think it was a pretty good job.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

4 posted 2004-06-20 11:09 AM

Your last reply said it all, great work as always! ~Jess

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

5 posted 2004-06-20 01:56 PM

i like this... yeah it is kind of different.. usually love poems or break up poems get kind of old... i like how you wrote this one

"love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die"

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

6 posted 2004-06-21 11:13 PM

it was great and intersting ,,keep posting,,,

I hate the world because it does'nt have a taste, i HATE the world because it does'nt have a color.!!
Admit that im right,,!

Stepharoo
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 149
Washington, USA

7 posted 2004-06-22 10:06 PM

I really liked this one...yes I know how break up poems can get old...Myself just getting done writing one to my now EX boyfriend... I know how old it can be hearing the same old sob story, but really when you look at it, it all hurts. And everyone has the right to express it... I just really like how you have done it here...Keep it up!!!!!

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

8 posted 2004-07-07 03:43 AM

I could have sworn I replied to this. Guess not! Anyway...it was absolutely beautiful. I really liked the differences in the stanzas, and the whole structure. It flowed really well. Almost as a dialogue. And of course, it hit home...hard. I think it's amazing how you can read a poem, and it's like someone else has found the words that you couldnt. You did that for me. Again, beautiful

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

9 posted 2004-07-07 10:14 PM

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it greatly.
DancinQueen: Im glad you loved it so much, and Im sorry that you can relate to that kind of pain. It's something I would wish no one to go through. But that's life. Thanks for the reply.

WinterWren-
Counting stars wishing I was ok,
Crashing down was my biggest mistake.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

10 posted 2004-07-11 12:07 PM

I agree with everyone else, this poem was absolutly amazing. I can't believe that I didn't reply to it sooner.

~Alli~

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

11 posted 2004-07-22 10:15 AM

hey steph,love this one.exactly how i felt after my break up earlier on in the yr.

Jesus died that you might live...accept that and u shall be saved.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

12 posted 2004-07-22 12:26 PM

hey. Wow, this was an amazing write. I could feel your hurt through your words. Very awesome.

kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

13 posted 2004-07-24 04:07 PM

I just really like this...lol

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

14 posted 2004-07-25 10:35 PM

I thought the poem was alright.

Towards the middle it gets kind of blah, but the beginning caught me, and the ending (specifically the last stanza) was great!

Keep workin on it

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

15 posted 2004-08-04 07:25 PM

Don't say another word
Im glad you haven't
it helps me
become more indifferent.

Yeah I know this feeling...well written as usuall, I enjoyed it.
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

16 posted 2004-08-30 09:54 PM

hey, i know i have already relpied, but i really loved this poem, and at the moment i can really relate, so i thought i would bump this back up to the top....

Karissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

17 posted 2004-08-31 09:59 PM

Hey kissa, Thanks so much for your replies. It really makes me feel good that you took the time to reply to this twice.
Thanks again

WinterWren-
Counting stars wishing I was ok,
Crashing down was my biggest mistake.

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

18 posted 2004-09-01 07:46 AM

this is beautiful....
the emotins you have expressed are soooo familar to me right now too...
your writing is beauutiful....
hope to read more sooon
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

19 posted 2004-09-01 10:17 PM

"When I think of the past
I miss you again
so keep ignoring me
jolt me back to the present,"

beauuuutiful....that was wonderous. sad, compelling, awesome and full of emotions...great job!!

<3 kirah

"They say that truth will set you free, but then so will a lie. It all depends if you're trying to get to the promised land or just trying to get by."

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

20 posted 2004-10-23 10:12 PM

awesome

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

21 posted 2004-10-26 02:12 PM

One of the last times I was here - too long ago, to be sure! - I do remember saying something about how your work... aww forget it. I have no idea what I said. It's been that long. Anyway, this poem, as usual, from what I remember of yor work, struck right to the core of what's up in my life. Well enjoyed, though not so in the fact that there's another who's felt as I do. Especially liked the last two stanzas, being indifferent is the only way. Well, time to retire once again. Glad to see some familiar people still hang around.

-Rich
And Winamp is now playing:
"Getting Away With Murder"
Papa Roach
Getting Away With Murder

Part of knowing where I'm going
is knowing where I've been
~Rich~

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