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Teen Poetry #7
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In My World
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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In My World |
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lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
Not really here My mind wanders Lonely agony Desperate tears Holding on to what was never mine For so many years I can’t seem to get control Of what I need to do I can’t feel but pain Hiding from what’s true Secrets build Something is lost One thing is wrong So is the rest I can’t get a break It feels like so much give I have nothing left to take Can you feel how I feel See this pain that I hold Can you step into my world Which has become so cold Itching to live Wanting to thrive So I hold my breath and dive My heart is hurting I can’t go on You never noticed How much I really mean All that I have done How much that I give I want to stop this and start to live In the end I don’t even matter I never even existed Youv’e never heard my voice Never seen my smile Haven’t seen my worth What does it even matter Why do I even care I don’t want to play pretend To something that’s not there I fool my self I sit here alone I feel empty There is no point So I don’t walk, but I run to the ledge Testing out the limits I push it to the edge As I fall No one sees nor hears Nothing is heard Not my screaming Nothing So what’s it all matter Where does it all add up When do I see the satisfaction The truth is it doesn’t make sense And I am tired of trying My hands slip away As I am quietly dying |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I thought the strongest part of this poem was the ending, which I really liked. When you said "It feels like so much give, I have nothing left to take", did you mean to say "It feels like so much was given" or something like that? Because it doesn't make much sense to me the way it is, but that just might be me. It added a lot of power when you said "So I don't walk, but I run to the ledge", good work there. It seemed repetitive to say "No one sees nor hears nothing is heard". If no one heard it then obviously nothing was heard. I don't know, that just seems off. As I already said, good ending. This seems to have been written about your parents or some other older figure, am I wrong? Either way, keep your chin up and your pen moving. |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Wow. This is sooo powerful!! Your own emotions were overtaking me as I read this. I can relate to them anyway. I especially liked the 2nd stanza, but the whole entire poem was amazing. Thanks for sharing, this is definetely going in my library! W.W. |
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