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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2004-05-01 12:17 PM

Perfect Guy

I see your name
And I catch my breath,
Losing you would be like
Dying a terrible death.

I just see your name
And I know I am complete.
You are my other half
A part of me you can’t delete.

I feel your love surround me
Each and every day
Making me happy yet it
Leaves my thoughts in disarray.

I feel my stomach grow warm,
When I talk to you,
And the feeling never goes away
That is how I knew…

I knew I loved you,
When you were all I thought about.
Trying to find your flaws
To cover up my self doubt.

I figured out why,
To me you are so perfect.
My tall, dark, & handsome guy
Is who you reflect.

I love how you respect me,
And what I stand for
I love how faithful you are
All aspects about you, I adore.

You know who you are
You take time to know me,
You know that in life
There are no guarantees.

It’s every girls dream
To find that perfect guy.
Some say they have him,
But I don’t have to lie.

"If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!"
*~Erin~*

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

1 posted 2004-05-01 12:31 PM

This is about the guy i'm in love with right now. He's just awesome...lol anyways, let me know what you think and if there's anything I can do to improve it or my writing in general!

"If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!"
*~Erin~*

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

2 posted 2004-05-01 12:55 PM

Hmm..
I thought the rhyming sounded too forced... and that the poem was elementary, though it was still cute.
-ash

http://www.enternexus.com/profile.php?uid=34810 <----Thats all me

Ender
Member

since 1999-12-08

Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

3 posted 2004-05-01 04:17 AM

its a good poem....

a tip if i may...try to just start writing what you feel, then go back and make it work.....that way it may flow a little better...but i think you got the point across very well...

If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear. I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips. -Rosco

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-05-01 09:51 AM

"Losing you would be like
Dying a terrible death."

Those were my favorite lines. I loved the poem because it was very powerful.

~Alli~

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

5 posted 2004-05-01 11:05 PM

Thanks for the replies! I will try what you said and try writing it all out before. This isn't one of my best but it's always interesting to see!

"If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!"
*~Erin~*

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