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Teen Poetry #7
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Part of me
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Part of me |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is something from my heart coming through m head..... if you can suggest on how it can be improoved, please let me know.... or any advice on moving on from old loves.... will be greatly apreciated part of me will love you forever but as time moves on the part becomes smaller and smaller until such time i need to deal with your smell making me weak at the knees wanting your hands somewhere on my body your arms around me in warm embrace your body on mine protecting me i still want to feel your love i still want your hand holding mine all i want is time to be able to move from the past back into present as the wise woman says 'old passions die hard' so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
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| © Copyright 2004 Ruth - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
the only thing I would change, and it's just me.... "your arms around me in warm embrace" from this to this... "your arms around me in warm embrace" it's only a slight change, but makes the reading of it easier  and as far as davice....*sigh* nope you pretty much have it already, only time will make it better.... |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
the truth is i liked it...but not loved it ,the onyl part i felt weird reading is when you said somewhere on my body your arms around me in warm embrace your body on mine it did not feel right to say that because love is not when you touch each other or smell eachother its when you feel you need this person by you not to slep with u but to portact you from this world...but other wise this poem is good keep writting .... |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
I liked it I get like that where I feel like what i write doesnt make sense because I have all these feelings running through me. Nice job, dont change a thing. its from your heart!**You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
thankyou for your replies.... thankyou for the advice. i m thinking about what you have said. yeah... i hope the feelings subside sometime soon.... i have to work with him....  owell. again thankyou all for the advice. Mel so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
i liked it alot... ~Alli~ |
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