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Teen Poetry #7

Butterfly

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2005-09-28 12:34 PM

The alarm sounds as the dew outside glistens,
The silence of the new morning listens;
To the thoughts that start the day,
Maybe today will be okay.
If i stay positive and share my smile,
Maybe today will be worthwhile.
A butterfly may seem delicate and fragile to the eye,
Don't overlook the fact it has what itr takes to fly.
I'll always look for the rainbow when I'm in the rain,
I'll always be myself, no one can be the same.
The weight on my shoulders gradually gets lighter,
I made it through cause I'm a fighter.
Even on the blackest days I know I'll be fine.
Cause evetually the clouds will part and the sun will shine.
When you feel under the weather and don't want to try
Dont overlook the fact you have what it takes to fly!!!

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

1 posted 2005-10-09 05:40 PM

i liked this piece, but i think it might read a little better if you change 'cause' to 'because'. it doesn't really add too much to the rhythm and i just thought it read smoother, but a good piece none the less

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

2 posted 2005-10-10 11:38 PM

thank you so much!
Laura

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

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