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sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

0 posted 2004-04-23 07:23 PM

my friends say leave this house and lets just go on ..
My friends say go on and lets get on drugs ,run away from home ..
you family are soo stricked and soo weird ..
they embress you with there jokes ,dont you think so?

come on try 1 ,its good for your health ...
no try 2  3 ..

lets run away from our families and live together..
lets just be hookers  ,its good money...

lets just go run frome everyone..

i look at they in a very weird way ,,why?,how?

after everything my mom did for me carried me 9 months and raised me ??.

after they gave me the trust and honesty?
after they loved me and  will never leave??

after they gave me everything??
after they bought me to this world??

does that make any sense??

my family would never leave me but if one day me and you and all of us get in a fight you would leave me for ever and never come back....

dont you ever say me and you will run away without my family im nothingg.....

my family are my cells ,my heart ,,they are protacting me and loving me but you guyz if u love me you would'nt even think about making me go through drugss...

my family are the flower i smell with soo much love and respect........

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2004-04-23 08:12 PM

ok this had a really good feel...but just a couple of things
be careful with your punctuation...yes i know. i am one of those people that likes to go crazy with it a lot to...but yeah.
and then two...do a spell check...i slip up a lot too...but there is an edit button and thank goodness for it...

overall great job!!

riley

no matter what i'll always love you
i swear

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

2 posted 2004-04-23 08:54 PM

thank u sooooooooooooo much for ur honest i aprriete it ..love and respect tahnks again

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

3 posted 2004-04-23 08:55 PM

im sorry once again about my mistakes i just dont look at it much lol..sorryy thanks again

loner187
Member

since 2004-03-21

Posts 106
Upstate New York

4 posted 2004-04-23 11:15 PM

A couple words: Spell check. If there's a lot of mistakes, it sorta drags my mind away from the reason I'm reading it in the first place...Plus, it's sometimes hard to follow. So, just use the handy edit tool and fix some parts. Also you should split up the long lines into smaller sections. And then you'll be good to go.

Overall, nice. It's good to hear that you're not following your "friends" and doing drugs, parents are important people, too. We all should respect them as much as you do...

What if the hokey pokey is what it's all about?

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