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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-09-22 10:46 PM

the meetings have to stop
i cant imagine the things you are saying.
im going against my will to even see you
but my inner fire is decaying.

the words you are speaking
tear this young boy apart.
leave my heart dying on the street
and mark another down on your chart.

my heart and our meetings are closely related
for the attacks inside are infflicted by intense worry.
worry of losing you completely in dark deceptions
brought from years of you making truth blurry.

as people cross the street and see this bleeding heart
none take pity because the have seen this before.
im just another casualty of this crazy thing love
but even in my suffering, its you i'll always adore.

sunshinemc
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 27

1 posted 2003-09-22 11:04 PM

Just as the rest, great. So deep in imagrery, you are very creative in puttin words and thoughts together. Keep it up
<3

Olive_8
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 41
Canada

2 posted 2003-09-22 11:10 PM

Very nicely done, it painted a good picture for me in my head, well done!

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2003-09-23 02:16 AM

hmm..I didn't enjoy this one as much as your others. The ryhme seemed forced to me...Other than that though, I liked it, beautiful captivating imagery as usual, you seem to have a rare talent with creating pictures in the mind, lovely.
~Live and Laugh~

The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again
~Bella~

Toasty
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

4 posted 2003-09-23 09:43 AM

You have a wonderful knack for making a portrait with words, there's a lot of feeling in this- and it shows. Keep up the good work!

~toasty

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales.
" life isn't about the things that happen to you, it's about how you react to them"

[This message has been edited by Toasty (09-23-2003 09:46 AM).]

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2003-09-23 03:39 PM

thanks alot guys. i really appreciate all the feedback

sunshinemc
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 27

6 posted 2003-09-23 10:10 PM

im just another casualty of this crazy thing love
but even in my suffering, its you i'll always adore.

These lines are awesome, with so much truth in them. No matter how hurt you can be by one person, for some reason you'll always adore them. Keep it up
<3

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2003-09-23 11:42 PM

I enjoyed this, young_blood. You've penned
some painful emotions, added some nice imagery,
and expressed this very well. Nicely done.
~Vicky
When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

8 posted 2003-10-17 05:14 PM

ha ha, the last line says it all. good write.

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