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Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

0 posted 2004-04-10 12:15 PM

The First Time
Today is the first time
And it’s filling my heart with rhyme
It’s the day I look into those sparkling eyes
And tell you that ill be the one to protect you from any lies

It’s the day where I show you that how interested I am
And how happy it would make me just to walk with you hand in hand
It’s the first time that I can talk face to face
With that special someone that’s causing my heart to race

What you do to me you will finally see
Meeting you today means my dreams turn into reality
Today is the day when our paths meet
And everything I do for you would be nothing less then sweet.

After reading this to you
I hope you realize how my heart is true
I have finally realized meeting you was well worth the wait
And hopefully now the first time will grow into something great

xno4everx
Junior Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 14
NY

1 posted 2004-04-10 01:09 PM

verY nice..i feel as though some of the rhyme was forced though..and i think everyone has been there and done that =] nice..

//..Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one..\\

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-04-10 07:15 PM

Amazing write. This was very sweet. Cant wait to hear more!

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

xjewelsx
New Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 3

3 posted 2004-04-11 03:55 PM

hey i liked it

good job

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

4 posted 2004-04-12 12:37 PM

OMG ..I loved it...keep it uppp...you should just alittle work on what your trying to take out of your heart mostly than the rythming....i reallly enjoied reading it..keep it up once again and keep writting your love i would love to hear from you..

::^love^::

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

5 posted 2004-04-13 06:29 AM

nice but again the rhyming sounds too forced... it is a great poem but you need to let the words flow from your heart.... but other than that it is excelent and hope t hear more coming from you soon.....

Mel

so this is me but what do you care about that????

Fleur
Member

since 2004-04-09

Posts 103

6 posted 2004-04-13 11:31 AM

WoW! Nice write! That sounded great!

UnsilencedWords666
Member

since 2003-11-19

Posts 63
Broken Memories & Falling Tears

7 posted 2004-04-13 05:57 PM

This was hella cute...I love reading your stuff-though I don't often comment...Keep up the great work...

*~*nessa bear*~*

You can’t choose who you are Only what you will be Why can't you choose To let me be me...*~*Nessa Bear*~*

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

8 posted 2004-04-22 08:23 PM

Great write! I can see how truely happy you are just by your word usage. Everyone desevers to be that truely happy. Great job! I love reading your posts.

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

9 posted 2004-04-24 02:32 PM

Lovely poem...I liked it alot!

~Alli~

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