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Dark Poetry #4
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When the moon rises....
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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When the moon rises.... |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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When the moon rises, From beneath the clouds, An ashy elbow I am reminded Of today- Within my mind, Lay a demon of lies, Of worry and hate, Deciding my fate, As the weight of the world, Rest upon my bare, Thoughts, Resting here without worries, For each has its separate cause, Of trial and failure, Of demise and despise, Towards the final agony, I call within, A force long over slept, A quiet shadow, One of its kinds, Contains the message, Of more horror, And dishonor, Flying lying beneath, The winged clouds, Are brushed off, In the distance, To reveal my fate, One of many, Repeating the tale, A cycle of hate, Has begun yet again… |
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| © Copyright 2004 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I like the idea behind this but it seems sort of choppy |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
it seems choppy because it ties in more than one idea but in different stanza. That is one of my style of writing. Something abrupt on the next line you know. |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
hey, I have no complaints. choppy in my opinion is better than long winded, lol. this is a good piece, something similer to my own thoughts...especially the whole demon of lies and hate thing. groovy man, ttyl. - River Running out of pain |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wwwwwwwwwwwoooow..nice poem keep it upppp. I will cover you with my blood,not only because |
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Destinys_Fallen_Angel Member
since 2004-05-06
Posts 75Boise Idaho |
great poem i really enjoyed it Yahoo messenger: destinys_Falen_Angel |
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