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Dark Poetry #4
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Grotesque love
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Grotesque love |
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Gothika_07 Member
since 2004-01-15
Posts 61new zealand |
I crave your taste in my mouth I crave your touch it's a danger 2 my health I crave your words that roll of your lips I crave your hands resting casually on my hips The wanting i have for you becomes grotesque The love we had and felt was once picturesque and i feel my values slipping away i hope after you'll feel for me the same way And as you walk up to me baring a smile for a second i begin to feel weak with denial your hands so cold touch my skin I feel so meak afraid so thin you encircle yourself around me at first the heat makes me almost free and then a pain a fear i scream you stop and stare wondering what you've done as i cowar in the corner you reach out to me and i feel dead i am the mourner thick tears roll from you chiselled cheeks and my tears form aggresive leaks how could you hurt me i wonder your face explodes like thunder i am the forever girl in the glass awaiting a kiss from the man in the mask |
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| © Copyright 2004 Gothika_07 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
very good I think this was good... but im sure you couldve made it better... i hope ur not offended. it a great poem, but maybe a bit deeper thoughts and it could be as good as ur best ones! i love the second verse,. very cool rock on  darkness |
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Jelfling Junior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 21Indiana |
I love how you always end your poems, like this one and the princess in the tower without a prince. It's very original. However, I do agree with darkness_witch. This seems more like a rough draft of a poem than the finished product. |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
i LOVED the first verse needs some puncuation but i still loved it (L)(L) KEEP ON WRITING LOR Silhouetted by Deception |
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MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
VERY GOOD, I COULD FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS YOU EXPRESSED THEM ALL, VERY GOOD. POETRY,IS A WAY OF EXPRESSING HOW WE FEEL, NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT,UNLESS THEY HAVE CONTROL, AND TELL YOU HOW YOU FEEL, OR SHOULD. ANY WAY, WHEN YOU WRITE FROM THE HEART AND SOUL, GOT FEELING THAT NEED TO BE EXPRESSED, WRITE IT, AND LEAVE IT ALONE. WHEN YOU JUST SIT AND WRITE POEMS, WRITE, READ, CHANGE WORDS, WRITE A LINE, THEN ANOTHER FOR SAME LINE BUT WITH DIFFERENT WORDS. THEN TAKE ALL AND PUT TOGETHER. I HAVE BEEN WRITING OFFAND ON FOR 9 YEARS, GOT 6 PUBLISHED, THE ONE LOVE OR YOU NONE FOR ME WAS FIRST ONE, IT IS IN A BOOK, I AM JUST NOW GETTING THEM OUT FOR ALL TO SEE AND READ. I AM NO EXPERT, I ONLY KNOW WHAT WORKS WITH ME, I AM ONLY GIVING SUGGESTIONS. YOUR VERY GOOD. KEEP IT UP, DONT EVER STOP |
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