Were does the Rose lie? - pipTalk Forums

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Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

0 posted 2004-01-27 12:04 PM

Were does the rose lie
I ask myself this as time flys by
were does youth go
probably with the innicencs lost days ago.

Were does color go that bindes us so well
were does the color go that blinds us well
All is black and meak
for you do noth but blink

I rage and rage
filled with hate
for you have killed me without selfrestrant
You would kill again but i have no life but death
bared from my fate you have taken all

As you let fall that black rose down
As you care nothing
As the rose falls
Falls to my grave

Vagabon the Lost One

serenities_blood
Member

since 2003-12-21

Posts 56
New Zealand

1 posted 2004-01-27 11:57 PM

well i was amazed this had no posts
its soooo good!
PLEZ KEEP WRITING

xoxLORxox

Who says a woman cannot serve?
It would be my pleasure

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

2 posted 2004-01-29 04:59 PM

thank you I'll try and write more

Vagabon the Lost One

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

3 posted 2004-02-01 11:39 PM

Why can I see out but, no one can see in and understand????

I really liked your poem and the things it made me think of.
Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." A. Brink

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

4 posted 2004-02-02 12:29 PM

I enjoyed this poem and it has the makings of a sound peice of literature with the exception of your misuse of the homonym: "were" instead of using the appropriate "where". Were is referring to a past tense of how things existed. For instance: "Thats how things were, back then."
etc... Im sure you know all of this, just making sure. I really enjoyed this poem aside from that one small error. Well done, Looking forward to reading more of your work.

unwantedspork
Junior Member

since 2004-02-02

Posts 24

5 posted 2004-02-02 10:45 PM

I rage and rage
filled with hate
for you have killed me without selfrestrant
You would kill again but i have no life but death
bared from my fate you have taken all

that in itself would make a great poem. Infact, ifi give you credit, could i possibly use it as a qoute in my web page's next layout. Ill send you a link!

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

6 posted 2004-02-03 03:33 PM

sure you can just give me the link i would like to see you web site

Vagabon the Lost One

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