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Dark Poetry #4
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delusions of grandeur
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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delusions of grandeur |
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jared34ricky Junior Member
since 2008-12-30
Posts 12South Carolina, USA |
There’s a person in this rear view mirror It’s myself and I, it’s everyone yet one An aspect that defeats colors So how do I explain, This worthless fixation On the understanding of the impossible My eyes glance out a window Constantly following a line of fence posts That seem to go and go and go on They wander towards the backdrop Brought on by these back roads In an unsuccessful attempt to escape Streaks of light escape the white clouds Glaring over the harvested, dirty crops Bringing a shade of dread To the trodden spirits of these used souls That life is just inevitable for them The hills of pale tan and dark green Roll on with the wheels underneath me A perfectly placed red farm house Spaced between heaven and this world Overlooking the beauty of it all Sits in a place doesn’t seem random in the least You see it’s all a display of orange becoming orange, Fall leaves and sunset uniting into a singular wonder, Struggling against the dark blue sky Bringing the hues of earth to a true grandeur of delusion Grasping this in comparison to the wind blowing Picking up speed on this winding road It surrounds my ears and thoughts Cold and peircing, tightening my fingers and lungs But I can breathe so easily It unravels my supposed insinuations Degrading me down to that of a school boy And then reminding me That all of this supposed gorgeous litter Can’t comprehend anything at all And yet the minuscule portrayal of myself Is the greatest thing on this earth Then what is, becomes the question of the end |
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| © Copyright 2008 Jared J. Buchholz - All Rights Reserved | |||
JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
A good poem in the making but it's going require cutting and revision. Just for fun, try starting with your lines "Streaks of light escape the white clouds Glaring over the harvested, dirty crops Bringing a shade of dread" and see where you'd want to take the rest of the poem from there. |
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jared34ricky Junior Member
since 2008-12-30
Posts 12South Carolina, USA |
you should have seen how long it was to begin with, so boring i know, here's revision four, i appreciate the advice Streaks of light escape the white clouds Glaring over the harvested, dirty crops A shade of dread for these used souls Hills of pale tan and green roll With the wheels underneath me While a red farm house sits Placed in a spot That doesn’t seem random in the least You see there’s a collision of orange and orange With fall leaves and sunset uniting Struggling against a dark blue backdrop But this fixation On the hues of the earth Degrades my mind To that of a school boy A delusion of grandeur For all this gorgeous litter Can’t comprehend anything at all It’s an aspect that defeats color |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
That seems a little more focused to me. What do you think? |
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