it was my heart that killed me

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Dark Poetry #4

it was my heart that killed me

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

0 posted 2008-12-15 11:15 PM

"it was my very own heart that killed me"

I can't confide in anyone,
I can't trust any of them,
don't you see, you can't see it all
without the light shining upon me,
even now, I'm wilting.
what I can't reveal
is my weakness, my past
there's something to gain but
No doubt, the kindness I hold fast to
will go away.
the simple answer is to live,
go back to the drawing board,
and try again in the next life.

the heart shuts itself
still now falling apart.
days I laughed
holding back the tears.
the heart showed me there was no reason to believe.
the hypocrite who killed me.

the heart shuts itself
still now crumbling apart
days I screamed,
holding back the tears
the heart left me the strength to believe there's a reason
it was my very own heart that killed me.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2008-12-23 02:36 AM

NormalitxButterfly:
It sounds like this piece is describing youth destroyed by experience. The comparison in your writing between death and loss of innocence isn't too difficult to detect.

This little gem of stoicism in the middle of the piece illustrates it nicely:
"the simple answer is to live,
go back to the drawing board,
and try again in the next life."

I assume your speaker isn't a suicidal believer in reincarnation

I think you might have done better to put the block above in a separate stanza, in the middle. For me it's a bit like an important joint in this poem, where your speaker at least acknowledges that she has some work ahead of her if she's going to move on.

The last line, that "it was my very own heart that killed me" strikes fear into the reader, since in any kind of intimate human relationship the heart is always at risk of being destroyed like this. But again, at least we can take comfort in the wisdom expressed in the joint I mentioned above.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

2 posted 2008-12-27 02:37 AM

thank you for taking the time to comment on my poems. it really means a lot.

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