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Rewrite - Emotions Come Quickly
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Rewrite - Emotions Come Quickly |
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prize Member
since 2008-11-21
Posts 116 |
I wonder if this is a better version than the first draft I wrote below ~P: Emotions come quickly Circling around grey matter, Like racecars whipping on path Revolving together, closely. Emotions lose their path Just as racecars often do, Bombarding, fighting together Slamming against the skull. The brain hurts, just as the man suffers in the car lost of control. Feelings struggle, run wildly rampant, Inside the fragile shell of thoughts- Persisting fight continues as emotions collide. Take away these emotions With another scar of self harm. Emotions pour down - lie heavy on heart, Like the driver who hammers down on the pedal, rubber pressed at full throttle, Forcefully through winds of turbulence. The feelings can be displaced and drift away- With a slice, a slam, a burn- Emotions are released, transformed into Throbbing physical pain, pleasingly visible As the brain has suddenly forgotten, And the racecars stop for a moment, Just for a moment in time, before emotions return. |
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| © Copyright 2008 prize - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jared34ricky Junior Member
since 2008-12-30
Posts 12South Carolina, USA |
i love learning how everyone deals with life, whether it's a supposed negative or positive, i believe that's the only way i can learn anything at all, but that can't happen without honesty, and this poem isn't afraid to be honest, i enjoyed it |
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