navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » 105
Dark Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic 105 Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
JenniferMaxwell
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423


0 posted 2008-12-17 04:10 AM


ice storm

amid the mad rush of the season
the whirlwind comes to a standstill
after an explosion of transformers
and branches downing power lines -

a flash of blue light beyond the evergreens
a lashing down of rain
then the sound of winter pebbles
beating frost flowers on the pane

by morning all trees in the forest
are wearing their christmas finery
shimmering coats of platinum
dripping with tear drop diamonds

the rooks keep vows of silence
in the hush of the crystal cathedral
chickadees chitter their prayers
on strings of silvery beads
fox breaks ice in the brook
to drink from the living water

as day slips away through the rose window
and starlings head for their night roost
shivering in cold feathers of exhaustion
darkness gathers without and within

a penny for a candle
a paycheck for a quilt or a hot
cup of coffee with steam that rises
like incense offered in gratitude
for a days release from the whirlwind
and hours to spin the prayer wheel.

© Copyright 2008 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2008-12-17 08:16 AM


why don't you post more in Open?!

This is amazing. I admit, it's the second one i've read from you, and loved.


I don't really come into dark very often, I used to a lot more back in the day. I wish you would post more in Open so more could read you.

moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356

2 posted 2008-12-17 09:47 AM


You're looking at the work of the second best poet on the site SEA.  They should come to her.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2008-12-17 10:32 AM


if they can't find her, it would make it tough.
moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356

4 posted 2008-12-18 01:05 PM


Diamonds attract .
prize
Member
since 2008-11-21
Posts 116

5 posted 2008-12-19 12:30 PM


Jennifer,

I love reading your poems and this poem is just awesome - the imagery is vivid and I just love calm it placed over me as I read it.

Excellent!

P

Bob K
Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208

6 posted 2008-12-20 04:09 PM




Dear J.M.,

          It's hard writing Christmas poems, just as it's hard writing 9/11 poems.  The issue is how to get beyond the emotions and perceptions that you're supposed to have about the holiday or the experience and reach something that's specifically your own that can shock you or surprise you or turn you on your head.

     With the explosion and the transformer, you were reaching for that here, but I suspect got scared of following that up.  I think that's where the actual poem lies, but you got buried by an avalanche of convention.

Sincerely, Bob Kaven

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

7 posted 2008-12-23 02:24 AM


Nice poem.  The imagery is great as are the religious overtones.  Comparisons between nature and religious institutions are always a welcome addition to any poem like this
JenniferMaxwell
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423

8 posted 2008-12-23 08:19 PM


You're right, Bob, it was a forced write. Not sure what you mean by "scared of following that up".
Bob K
Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208

9 posted 2008-12-23 11:26 PM




Dear J.M,,
    
          If we start writing about material with a heavy psychological charge, the same mechanisms of defense kick in that protect us from frightening material that comes from the outside world, only this time they're directed at material emerging from the inside.  Defense mechanisms actually work from both directions, otherwise you'd be flooded with all sorts of difficult, frightening, sexually explicit or violent material all the time instead of having some of it come through some of the time in smaller doses.  It's been a while since I read the basic work on this stuff, but I think you might find some of it in The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense by Sigmund Freud.  The idea is that the ego needs protection from both internal and external material, lest it be overwhelmed.  

     When you write poems, some of the material you deal with is frequently highly charged and your mind will frequently turn away from it into more conventional material because you don't have to think and feel, firstly; and secondarily, the material doesn't carry that scary charge as often, that sense of, I shouldn't know this, I shouldn't talk about this, I shouldn't risk this.

      The other risk is that if you do write it down, it will just be plain stoopid, and the sense of threat is because you're scared of humiliating yourself in public.  Always possible.
That's why there are friends and desk drawers, to provide cooling off time from when you think you've just written the greatest thing every written and when you get some realistic sense of what you've got on paper.

     And so you can make your own judgements, separate from those people who tell you that you're wonderful and who mean well, but don't know what wonderful poems really are.  Or whose notion of wonderful poems is more like Rod McKuen than reality.

     You need to figure out whose understanding of wonderful poems you trust, though, and whose you don't.  That is difficult and scary, too.

     Perhaps more of an answer than you wanted, but one that I think I'd like to stand behind, at least for now.

All my best, Bob Kaven

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » 105

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary