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Dark Poetry #4
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Raft of life
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Raft of life |
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Woodsman Junior Member
since 2008-09-03
Posts 25Stony Creek, Va originally...Now Muskoka Ontario |
Time drifts slowly by, Sailing slowly on a sea of unhappiness. Pushed along by the waves of frustration, No hope in sight. Days pass, nights bright stars fade, But even so time drifts on. The currents flow past in numerous forms, Heartache, disappointment, and whirlpools of hate and fear. There is no change in sight to these waves of despair, Lapping endlessly on the sides of this raft of life. Logs once held fast by ropes of strong dreams, Now held only by thin strands of hope. Even now the corrosive salt of this sea threaten to eat through, Compromising these last few bonds of my life. Soon they will break and all will be lost, If only I could make it to shore. But to what land shall I come to? I cannot imagine, for the one I have left was so torn, Can I hope for lush valleys and fruit filled trees? Or be rewarded once more with a desert? Will I even make it that far, to see land once more? Or be left here to die on these waters? Only time will tell, with its slow moving pace. On these wide open waters of despair. "In Between" by Brian T Brewster now available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble |
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| © Copyright 2008 Brian T Brewster - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Abbeon Member
since 2006-11-30
Posts 228Curiousity, and wonder |
"Only time will tell, with its slow moving pace. On these wide open waters of despair." Despair, our hearts feel that so well. The hollow emptiness, the crazed thoughts left to survive |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I was just revising a piece I posted early this morning on another site and noticed I'd used a rather glaring abstraction that weakened the piece. It was "closet of emptiness". Sounded good this morning in the heat of the emotion, but now, not so hot. I noticed you've used several abstractions in your poem: sea of unhappiness waves of frustration waves of despair raft of life Replacing those abstractions with images a little more concrete might give you a more powerful poem. |
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