Hide and Seek with Alice (aged 8)

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Dark Poetry #4

Hide and Seek with Alice (aged 8)

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

0 posted 2008-09-13 06:53 PM

Hide and Seek with Alice (aged 8)

Do not think that because
you turn side on in the reeds
and tilt your snub nose
skyward you can avoid me
finding you. Do not believe
that the biscuit and beige
of your dress will save you
from discovery. I am counting
down my baby heart; the boom
as loud as your own. As loud
as that bittern on the far side
of the broad where, when time
runs out, we'll meet again.

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

1 posted 2008-09-14 06:49 AM

Blown away by this one, MB!

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

2 posted 2008-09-15 04:02 AM

I liked your poem.

The hollow emptiness, the crazed thoughts left to survive

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

3 posted 2008-09-15 09:24 PM

Quite a contrast to your first poem, MB.

Been trying for the last half hour to come up with a comment that sounds half way intelligent. I'm afraid that's beyond me. Anyway, your poem is so tender and evocative - the phrasing, images and word choices are all so delicate like the finest water color.

What comes across the strongest to me is that this isn't a contrived piece but rather the core, at least, is sort of like a haiku moment from real life. I love the poem, it's like you've given us a memory to treasure. Beautiful writing, MB.

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