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NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

0 posted 2008-08-22 03:44 AM

"where were you"

if you truly exist and are all loving
where were you when i was alone
where were you when i had no place to call home
where were you when i was in pain
" " " as i slowly went insane
" " " when i needed strength
" " " when i couldnt stand
" " " when i needed a hand
" " " when those around me were suffering
" " " when each breath became sufficating
" " " when my prayers went unanswered
" " " as this despair spread like cancer
" " " when i was dying
" " " when i was crying
where were you when i couldn't take this
because you were never there i became faithless
where were you when i was broken
when these words couldn't be spoken
where were you when i was raped
couldn't bare to be touched and was filled with hate
where were you when i couldn't feel
when i realized fairy tales weren't real and these wounds wouldn't heal
where were you when these walls started to fall in when i wanted to die and it was your name i was calling
where were you when these scars were only made of pen
before the dream collapsed and my heart started to cave in
i know i was lost but where were you?
where were you when i needed kindness
when all in needed was love to find my way through this
where were you when i was fighting in the streets working three jobs just to make ends meet
" " " when i needed someone to talk to
" " " when i needed a door i could walk through without having to take two to the chest
" " " when i was doing my best
" " " when the last dream died with the rest
" " " when i needed hope
" " " when i couldn't cope with the stress
was it all some sick test to make it to heaven well guess what that dream died when i was about seven
along with the child who didn't want to keep living where were you when i accepted the life that you gave me
when the child in me realized
" no ones going to save me"
where were you when i needed you most
" " " when i became just a ghost of a memory
another tragedy that to this day remains unseen
when i couldn't think of a reason why i was still living
when i looked to the sky and no reason was given tell me if you are all that they say how could you create me then let me live on dying this way?
where were you?

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2008-08-22 09:54 PM

I don't even know what to say except that I think this is beautiful. I love this poem and it's going into my library. Great write.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#}
{~Emily~}

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

2 posted 2008-08-22 10:07 PM

This poem works somewhat well. I don't know that repetition of where were you is really all that strong any more in an atheistic poem like this one. Of course, one could argue that the speaker is just talking to a construct - the thing that the adults around her made up and called God.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

3 posted 2008-08-23 02:06 AM

i was in such a lost place at this time. i think more than just god i was refering to everyone that was "suppose" to be there, to care. a friend of mine read this poem and said "im right here" and i just broke down in tears.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

4 posted 2008-08-28 12:45 PM

Hi, I am hugging your poem.

I understand the emotion in this and the question whether it be about where God was, or where...well...just anyone was when all this was going on.

"...buried way beneath the sheets
I think she's having a meltdown..."
"Buckcherry"

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

5 posted 2008-08-28 08:47 PM

thank you

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

6 posted 2008-08-29 06:15 PM

NormalitxButterfly:
Thanks for clarifying for me. I can see then why you'd use more repetition, simply because the object of the poem can be a lot of things. Indeed that makes it work well when read / spoken by a variety of speakers.

Perhaps self sufficiency is the medicine for the kind of angst your speaker is describing. But self sufficiency can lead to its own complexes of depression and angst over lack of friends and swollen pride.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

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