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Dark Poetry #4
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JenniferMaxwell
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0 posted 2008-08-10 06:13 AM


summer blahs -

the green i longed for when snow
buried my world heart deep
in winter’s unbearable silence
turned into a polyethylene
garbage bag
wrapping the stark perfection
of bruegel winter trees
in the colors of wilted asparagus.

annuals bordering the tarmac
have lost their brilliance and become
seedy-eyed bedheads
weedy-legged stragglers
deadheaded in capuchin brown.

strangled by the inner
city’s beijing like pollution
the birds now mime their song
in trash strewn parks
and clouds of car exhaust

but in the long shadows
of sunburned grass
the first red maple leaf
and a mourning dove
searching for her morning song.


© Copyright 2008 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved
moonbeam
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1 posted 2008-08-11 05:01 AM


"frags" - ugh.  Stoppit.

"Heart deep" is great.

You don't need "unbearable" imo, unbearable is contained in "longed for" "buried" "heart deep"

Liked all the "w" sounds in S1

And all the "b" sounds in S2

"Bruegel" "capuchin" !  - this is a deliberate ploy to make me feel inadequate.  Very nice.  Summer reading or doc dict paying off.

Didn't much care for "inner city's beijing like pollution" - quite a mouthful

This was brilliant:

"the birds now mime their song
in trash strewn parks
and clouds of car exhaust"

And the final strophe was "wow!!  Especially the last two lines.

Why do you hide away in this miserable Dark place?  You need to expose yourself more Jennifer M.

M

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