We Are ALL Casualties of War

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Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

0 posted 2008-07-21 12:31 PM

****Note to the reader***
         I have friends in various branches of the military... I've heard horrible stories from them of their time in active duty. That is where this comes from.... look beneath the surface.... I am sorry to those of you that I anger. We are affected by this war, no matter which side we're on and what our beliefs are. No one should die yet many have and many more will.

**********************************

Shooting a gun
     putting a hole in the head
          of an 8 year old girl

Hearing her Mother’s screams
     Seeing her Father’s fears
  Tasting her salty tears

Sliding a razor sharp blade
     against a devoted Mother’s cheek

Hearing the faint scrape
     Watching the beads of red
          Tasting the end of innocence

Seeing a mother
     and her six year old son
standing in the center
     of a badly paved highway

Knowing that when you stop
     a dozen men will swarm…
          inviting death

What do you do?
     Drive on, strong soldier.

Wheels crush bone
     tenderize flesh

          Already tender at the age of six

Child’s scream of agony
     Mother’s sobs of loss

          End of innocence for both

Drive on, strong soldier

Do I blame you?
     Judge you?
          Hate you?

How can I?
     You do this for me
          You do this for US

Do I wish I could hold you?
     Comfort you?
          Love you?

Of course I do
     You do this for me
          You do this for US

I scream for that child
     I sob for that Mother
          I scream for the orphans
               The husband less Mothers

Not only theirs….
     but ours, as well

I know it is wrong
     that we maim and kill
But the path has been wrought
     We continue this life
Each Mother that loses
     Her only child
Deserves our shoulder
     Our hearts…
          our sleeve

It doesn’t change
     That this is war.

          We must try to realize
               That we’re all human

We hurt
     They hurt

          And perhaps we shall heal

There are worse things
     than our daily pains

An unwelcome caress
     isn’t tragedy

What is tragedy?
     Our child’s pain

A night without dinner
     Isn’t the end

When does the end come?
     After weeks without nutrition

Agony over lost love
     That never truly was

What is agony?
     Losing the ones that we love.

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

1 posted 2008-07-21 11:12 AM

i loved this one! i love all your poems but this is the best i've read so far!!
midnightdreamer

"It was heaven........right in the center of hell" Bella from New Moon

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

2 posted 2008-07-21 06:22 PM

Thanks Midnightdreamer!

It was actually one of those poems that fell out after about 10 Sam Adams.... I was rather unsure about it. It's not my typical style and flow. Glad you liked it!

~~~Amanda~~~

Love_Skull
Junior Member

since 2008-07-15

Posts 44

3 posted 2008-07-21 10:45 PM

i love it. its kinda sad at a few parts,but i love it!

Leah

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

4 posted 2008-07-22 06:23 PM

Thanks Leah.... I've read your poems, as well and have enjoyed them!

Welcome to piptalk!

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

5 posted 2008-07-23 01:37 AM

http://www.akirarabelais.com/bookofnightmares/bookofnightmares.html

     This is the address of a copy of the typescript of Galway Kinnell's The Book of Nightmares.  I haven't been able to make it work as a link directly, but if you type the thing in rather than simply click on it, or if the thing is all printed out on a single line instead of on two, as it is on this format, you may have more luck.

     Your poem reminds me very much of a section of Kinnell's called "The Dead Shall Be Raised Incorruptible."  It is a harrowing piece of work.  After close to 40 years, I believe it is still in print.

     The whole book is reproduced in typescript on the web at the address above, and if your head is particularly well attached some day, you might try reading it all.  For right now, I think you might enjoy the seven sections of "The Dead Shall Be Raised Incorruptible."  All of us can learn from reading people who have mastered their craft, and this is Kinnell at the height of his powers.

     If you feel moved, let me know what you think.

     Sincerely, BobK

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

6 posted 2008-07-23 10:21 AM

Bob... yes, I'm always interested in bettering myself...

I just read that section (and a couple of the others).... I thank you for directing me to this. I truly love it. Well, I love it and hate it... it's both beautiful and ugly at the same time. But that is what I love about it. Thank you.

~~~Amanda~~~

pyre
Member

since 2008-05-16

Posts 136

7 posted 2008-07-30 05:49 PM

It sounds like life. It sux.

-pyre

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

8 posted 2008-07-30 06:41 PM

Yes Pyre..... most definitely

The reality is never as pretty as the dream

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

9 posted 2008-07-30 11:41 PM

A Vivid ordeal displayed for our eyes.

·´~`·»Brett«·´~`·

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

10 posted 2008-07-31 01:27 AM

Sadly, these moments have been witnessed by many eyes.... and will be witnessed by many more before this world is through.

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

11 posted 2008-08-03 02:53 AM

A very different style for you MM.

I loved every word, it gripped me with a hollow echo of distaste for the truth yet had a sweetness for the love both given and lost we all endure in a war.

As always an excellent piece.

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

12 posted 2008-08-03 04:52 AM

Seeker.... yes.... very different style for me....

This truth is always more painful than what truly is. Then again, depends on what version of truth we are living.

Glad to see you back around. TTYS doll!

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

13 posted 2008-08-08 05:16 AM

i can say that this is really a nice one to read... a bit sad though.

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

14 posted 2008-08-08 06:19 PM

thank you, beyak.... it IS sad but it's all things that happen.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

15 posted 2008-08-11 12:28 PM

Mystress May, I never have been in the Dark poetry forums, But I had to respond to this write.

War is a horrible thing in our world, I don't know why people insist in doing it, but thats beyond me.

This write is full of emotion and depth!-- I believe one day the world will be at peace from all the war.

Free will has given power to people, and sometimes it is used bad.

ARCTIC WIND

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

16 posted 2008-08-17 12:16 PM

I am glad you had the courage to put into a poem some of the things your friends have told you. Your concentration on the pointless deaths on both sides is admirable, as is your use of irony in the word US or in your admonition "drive on, strong soldier."

I have to say honestly though that the poem gets weaker as it moves on from the beginning. You begin strong with lots of details that show us how awful the war is. But then you preach to us with the subsequent stanzas. In a poem like this I rather wonder how necessary it is to include aphoristic stanzas like

There are worse things
than our daily pains

or

Agony over lost love
That never truly was

What is agony?
Losing the ones that we love.

You could change the lines above from something generic into something concrete like the rest of the poem. Why not try something like giving your own experiences with mundane and altogether insignificant "tragedies" like unwelcome caresses or lost relationships with people who weren't genuine and then put them in comparison with the true horrors experienced in the war zone?

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

17 posted 2008-08-17 01:36 AM

Arctic Wind... thank you... this was not an easy piece to write....

Fractal.... yes, you're absolutely correct! I know it gets weaker towards the end. This is a piece that took all of 10 to 15 minutes to write. And yes, it could definitely be better. I will actually take your advice and try to rework it to be more 'focused' towards the end. And this is why I'm here on these forums.... to hone my skill.... always looking to improve. And it's people like you.... and Seeker, that keep me coming here.

Did I mention that you are the only one that has seen/mentioned the US? Yes, it was subtle.... and I honestly didn't thing that anyone would 'get it' easily. So I appreciate that you have. Kudos, doll!

Thank you! And consider yourself adored!

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

[This message has been edited by Mystress May (08-17-2008 02:28 AM).]

NormalitxButterfly
Member

since 2008-07-09

Posts 107

18 posted 2008-08-22 03:15 AM

innocence is the first true casualty of war. i like this piece. people don't like to see ugliness of war, i think it is something that needs to be realized.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

19 posted 2008-08-22 09:59 PM

Why thanks, Mystress.

Yes, I post here for similar reasons and to make acquaintence with a variety of writers from whom to learn. I would post to the critical analysis forums but I'm afraid I get my ass handed to me there

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

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