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Virtual Abyss
Member

since 2008-04-09

Posts 52
East Coast - USA

0 posted 2008-04-26 12:06 PM

It's deep and it's dark
These feelings are me

It's all just

Morbid animosity

I wish I had the balls
To end it and be free

It's all just

Morbid animosity

It'll never happen
Nope
I'll never be free

But I'll always have

My

Morbid animosity

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2008-04-26 07:04 PM

Intresting...I love it. Libaray.

{~~*~~}

{&]ebbing.away.from*my.pain.}}
{~Emily~}

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

2 posted 2008-04-27 01:15 AM

Dear Virtual Abyss,

                       I know this is posted  in the Dark Poetry Section, and I know the theme is dark, but the thing that draws me to this poem is the playful energy of it and the love of language that run through it.  You have a very good ear for knowing when to use the rhyme.  You're not smashing people over the head with it, but you're teasing us with it and yourself with it and the pretensions of absolute gloom with it.  This is a very nice short piece.

     You may not be feeling great, but your writing is moving very well in this poem.  A guy could do a lot worse.

     Yours, BobK.

Virtual Abyss
Member

since 2008-04-09

Posts 52
East Coast - USA

3 posted 2008-04-28 09:25 PM

XxForever.BrokenxX and Bob K,

Thanks for the read and the comments. I wish I had something else to say, but this piece sums itself up. Nothing else can be said.

Thanks again!

V/r,

Virtual Abyss

tattycoram
New Member

since 2008-04-28

Posts 3

4 posted 2008-04-28 11:06 PM

This is a nice piece, would make good song lyrics I think

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

5 posted 2008-04-29 08:13 AM

I agree with BobK. You do usue your rhymeing talent in a subtle way. Not over useing it but just giving us a little bit ot notice. Great work!

~Zach~

Virtual Abyss
Member

since 2008-04-09

Posts 52
East Coast - USA

6 posted 2008-05-29 12:36 PM

tattycoram and Zach,

Thanks for the read and the comments.

It's greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,

Virtual Abyss

Ray Sharpe
Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 112
Tenerife

7 posted 2008-05-29 02:00 AM

too like it !.....I agree .....it sounds like it could make a good song.

SilentSailor
Junior Member

since 2008-05-22

Posts 11

8 posted 2008-05-30 10:36 AM

Great write!

I read it and it had a tempo of sorts.

Keep 'em comin!!!

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