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Dark Poetry #4
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The Box
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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The Box |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA 
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The Box- I was invisible Noone could see There was no feeling There was no me I held inside A box of steel A place to hide All that I feel You looked around And there I stood So rigid and proud Frightened and aloof Invisibility lifts For just a moment They see me fall They see me bleed You turn around I can not bear To see your back I have only fear I put them back Within the box Turn the key Again I'm lost Our scars are the foundation for what we have become |
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| © Copyright 2008 Amanda M. Stonis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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slimboydim New Member
since 2008-02-26
Posts 6Royston Vasey |
Good Afternoon, enjoyed reading your words, so smooth. Your style means the lines read themselves. Lovely construction, simple and extremely effective. Sometimes we have to hide what is in our heart, just to get by. Thank You For Sharing. -------------------- |
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r v wooo Senior Member
since 2007-08-07
Posts 656 |
i agree with slim regarding the mechanics...but it is the source...the mind that really intrigues me! |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
slim....thank you for your kind words.... and yes, sometimes it really is easier to put them away rv.... I am glad you enjoyed it.... I'm actually quite boring. |
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firestorm Member
since 2008-02-26
Posts 109 |
i do not believe that you are boring-your mind is lovely and multi-faceted. You express yourself very passionately.. I enjoy reading your work ---as stated before: More please???  |
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r v wooo Senior Member
since 2007-08-07
Posts 656 |
in no way are you boring...i think you are hot...ph...hot...acid or base! and firestorm... relax and write...do it now! |
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hiddensmiles Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514at the beach... i wish |
great poem |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Mystress May you dont cease to amaze me. Your meaning in this is so heartfelt and touching... this is going in my faves!! ~Zach~ |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
Firestorm... there is always more! Hiddensmiles, I thank you! Zach.... I want you to read my piece called 'Blackness' (the revised version)... I think you'll enjoy it. It's my favourite of anything I've written, closest to my heart. Rv.... I can be extremely boring! But I guess you're right.... even at my most boring I am burning hot  |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
Nice MM. It feels like you could keep it going, still good none the less. |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
You're right Seeker... it does seem like the bones of something bigger. But then again, the simplicity and abruptness is how the ride really is for me. I did have the same thought though.... I know there is more that I could do with it. I've played around with it but can't seem to find something that feels comfy to me. Once thing I've done as an experiement is to take two peoms and weave them together... if done properly, it can be quite beatiful. One time that I had done that, I ended up with a song. Hmmmm.... I should find that, cuz I really liked it. If I do, I'll post it. I know I posted one here before called 'They Smile and Say' where I had woven two poems together. That one feels very song-like to me, as well. Hmmmm.... now you've got my mind working. I think I shall go play! Hopefully I'll have something to show for it soon! |
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wisdomofthesword Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224the last place on earth |
great poem I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
Thanks Wiz! |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
I love it when the opportunity strikes where you can splice two poems into one and create something even better. Done it a couple of times and loved it, hope it goes well and you see something at the end that's even better than when you first started. |
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