»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #4
»
Martyrdom
| Dark Poetry #4 |
|
Martyrdom |
|
|
armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
martyrdom A torturing devotion whispering in your mind Tracing its way through your veins like the blood it replaces your life and consumption is the only way to explain your willingness to comply. Reducing the very being that you want to know... the one that you can see but the immolation of your self is stronger than the words Cutting away depths... proving that steps always walk the other direction never close.. imminent will not be known by you. Distance is how you grow the lingering of your past Languishing in your vain like a memory you keep for someone who has already dissolved. It is here... in the dark that you will always see the backside of love and being a Martyr is the only way you can rationalize the pain you seem to collect. |
||
| © Copyright 2007 Carman - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
Carmen.... this is a good start but I believe that you can make it even better. The other one seems more 'finished'. I believe that you have the talant to make this amazing. I am very honest (I hope that doesn't offend). It doesn't 'flow' to me. I am definately not all about structure all of the time but there needs to be a certain flow (in my opinion). Does that make sense to you? I read your other poem and I love it... which is why I know you have the talant and ability to make this beautiful. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
