I Wasn't Worth It - pipTalk Forums

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taramw
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 738

0 posted 2007-10-11 08:41 AM

Like the lion that stalked its prey
through the tall, long grass
you fixed your eyes on me, and
sized up your prey.

And with a cold, calculating stare
you decided i wasn't worth it,
worth life
worth my soul
worth my dignity.

You decided, there and then
to take it all
strip my soul bare
of all it knew
and all it was.

Then with a snarl
reminiscent of your ancestors,
you affixed on my pulse of life
and took it.

Forever.

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.
-- Sister Elizabeth Kenny

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2007-10-16 11:23 PM

Wow I can't believe no one had replied to this I loved it and thought it was really good I loved the content in it..
Krysti

kjb
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 7
Australia

2 posted 2007-10-17 08:17 PM

Hi taramw. I like your poem, sometimes repetion works, like "worth" in S2, but i think using "prey" twice in S1 detracts from the overall effect. Maybe you could find another noun for L1 or rewrite it so you don't need a noun there.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

3 posted 2007-10-18 12:53 PM

S2,S1,L1

Maybe she could just write what she likes.... that would be really weird... like poetry... strange stuff right there.

kjb
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 7
Australia

4 posted 2007-10-18 02:45 AM

Hi seeker, i wasn't trying to tell someone how to write... i kinda thought i was giving feedback. Being new in here i'm still trying to find the ropes. cheers

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

5 posted 2007-10-18 03:53 PM

I'm sorry I didn't mean to come off as rude, it was late and I had a long day, so my writing wasn't as it should have been.

I hope I didn't upset you as it was not my intent.

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

6 posted 2007-10-18 05:52 PM

That was an interesting poem. and worth the read.

Abbeon

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

taramw
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 738

7 posted 2007-10-19 03:20 AM

Krysti, Seeker, Abbeon - thank you

I am glad you enjoyed the poem!

kjb: thank you for the constructive criticism... you are right, the word prey shouldn't be repeated. I wrote it late one night and blasted it on here a little bleary eyed without thinking about the content all that much! lol I'm pleased though that you liked the poem

Thank you all for posting!!

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