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Dark Poetry #4
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Sekishu
Junior Member
since 2007-09-17
Posts 36


0 posted 2007-09-17 08:40 PM




I just joined these forums hoping to become better at writing poetry so please comment

I saw it happen

Such a depressing story

Their tale ended so horribly

You stole her dreams

Now I'll laugh as she steals yours

The lightning streaks the sky, and the rain pours

A climactic setting

It will mark the beggining of her forgetting

And the end of her living

She'll never be forgiving

All of your theiving

Thats what happens when you rip out all feeling

Sometimes even when one lives through torture

They lose their human composure

Blood swirls into the rain that continues pouring

If you can hear the demons stirring

Then your not their victim

Who were you to condemn

All of her love

The angels above?

The demons in which you embraced?

Neither will save you now

You'll be crushed by a heart thats been encased

With stone and hate

She met her fate

And now you'll meet yours

The blood and rain

It Pours



© Copyright 2007 Sekishu - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2007-09-19 03:31 PM


Dear Sekishu:

First of all, Welcome to Passions!
I know that because you are open to constructive
critiques, you are already
able to take on the nuances of writing poetry,
for which everyone has some opinion
on how it is to be done.

You will find that our Critical Analysis Forum will
be especially helpful as you advance
in your writing techniques.

As for myself, my biggest bug-a-boo about
writing is to always spell check and grammar
check yourself. Nothing stops a reader faster
when it "appears" that a poet doesn't care
about their spelling and/or grammar, and I sense
that this is not how you want your work seen.

Now, please be so kind as to check your email
for a Very Special Message!



" It matters not this distance now  " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ


[This message has been edited by Sunshine (09-19-2007 04:05 PM).]

taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

2 posted 2007-10-11 09:47 AM


I liked this.


....


Thats what happens when you rip out all feeling

Sometimes even when one lives through torture

They lose their human composure

Blood swirls into the rain that continues pouring
Yeah.


It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.
-- Sister Elizabeth Kenny

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