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Dark Poetry #4

A Battle of Sorrow

mountainrain
New Member

since 2007-08-20

Posts 4

0 posted 2007-08-24 10:15 PM

Lie down brave men
The winter is hear
and the thunder is rumbling your ears

The rain's falling down
Like tears of a child
The deaths that are running us wild

The war is over
And our side has one
But the lives of our brothers are done

Oh, lord, Oh, lord
Forgive us our sins
We've killed far too many poor men

And if it's hell you say
We'll pay the visit
For We're the devil's kin

teddymarvelle
Junior Member

since 2007-08-26

Posts 47
california usa

1 posted 2007-08-28 11:21 AM

maybe some day these sins will wash away

Sekishu
Junior Member

since 2007-09-17

Posts 36

2 posted 2007-09-17 08:45 PM

very well written
a few mispellings, but nothing major at all

Kitherion
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 181
Johannesburg

3 posted 2007-09-19 12:55 PM

Amazing poetry. just becareful of the mionr spelling errors. The rhyming scheme was so good, but, I feel that you should have said: "Oh lord, Oh Lord, forgive our sin" not sins.... the s ruins the scheming. But Amazing nevertheless.

"Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..."

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