Letter to Svengali - pipTalk Forums

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BBGrrl
Member

since 2007-07-17

Posts 181
BC, Canada

0 posted 2007-07-20 02:25 PM

A smile and a honeyed voice -
you took me in, cared for me,
gave me a home and name for my family.

I was a child! Confused and lost,
your control further breaking
a fragile mind, scattering more daily.
You were all I deserved -
the best I could do.

Already broken when we met,
you played a cruel Svengali.
I was easy prey, coward.
You smelled me out,
took me in and sedated me.
You never had to use your fists -
your words were enough.

"This is my home, I am Law.
I made you, and I will break you.
And never, ever forget -
without me you are nothing."

I believed you
And the walls did the rest.
Too stoned to think, to down to rise
I stumbled - bashed into them -
betrayed and blind
with glazed, pain-seared eyes.

I had no will to follow what dreams I had -
when I was able to remember them.
You systematically, viciously
stripped them away.
Gave me toxic nightmares
in their place.

One day was as another,
hating myself, you as proof.
I trod your minefield with dread
hoping to pluck flowers I imagined there
when you caught me doing right.

Even then I waited for the drop
of the other, a steel-toed boot.
The one thing I could see clearly,
anvil-heavy, supported by threads.

I hate you, I loathe you!
Your words settle on me
like the filthy miasma
I blew away - years ago now.

Your smile makes me retch
your arrogance makes me reel.
I'm amazed after all this time
I still allow you to make me feel -
Anesthetized and chastised,
second-guessing every move.
My hesitation an indication
Of what you work so hard to prove.

You filth , you reek!
with the mores of yesteryear
and elastic morals to suit.
You took my pride, what little I had
for your own - my accomplishments
you owned too, our son became yours.
He calls me Mother, you call me Fool.

Respect you? I revile you
you misogynist slime!
You're completely unaware
of the cost of your pride.

Now I'm free of you
strong and unafraid - unbowed.
But I still cry bitter tears
for the innocent, paying now.

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

1 posted 2007-07-20 02:30 PM

It was a little long...but i enjoyed it

Nice write. Hope to read more soon.

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

BBGrrl
Member

since 2007-07-17

Posts 181
BC, Canada

2 posted 2007-07-20 02:49 PM

Thanks much for the read.

*grin* One of those emo things that needs to get out - not necessarily good poetry, but satisfying.

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

3 posted 2007-07-20 05:48 PM

Oh and by the way, welcome to pip

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

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