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Dark Poetry #4

REVERSE IS THE WORSE

tearsofpain
Junior Member

since 2007-05-03

Posts 38

0 posted 2007-07-17 11:24 PM

DEEP INSIDE OF ME I CRY
DEEP INSIDE OF ME A PASSED DAY MAKES A PART OF ME DIE
I REACH TO FIGHT BUT ONLY SIGH
MY STRENGTH IS GONE AND YOU KNOW WHY
I STOOD STRONG ONE DAY REMEMBER
I HELD YOUR HAND AS YOU ALMOSTED DIED THAT DECEMBER
I MADE YOU BETTER BY HOLDING YOU TIGHT
BUT YOU PUT ME DOWN AS QUICK AS YOU STOOD UPRIGHT
YOUR LIPS WERE CLOSED AND YOUR HEART SLAMMED SHUT
I HAVE TAKEN ALL I CAN PUT UP
I KNOW THE FIRST YEARS I WAS THE REASON FOR ALL THE TEARS
BUT WHEN YOU ALMOST DIED I HAD TO FACE MY WORST FEARS
IT WAS THEN THAT THE ROLES WERE REVERSED
AND THINGS DIDN’T GET BETTER THEY GOT WORSE
HERE I SIT TODAY AFTER ALL YOU PUT ME THROUGH
AND YOU WHINE I DON’T SUPPORT YOU
I CANT BELIEVE YOU BEG FOR AFFECTION
I AM WHAT YOU MADE ME EVEN IF IT WASN’T YOUR INTENTION
MY LIPS ARE CLOSED MY HEART SLAMMED SHUT
AND I AM SURE YOU WILL LEAVE WHEN YOU’VE TAKEN ALL YOU CAN PUT UP
IT IS NOW THE ROLES ARE REVERSED
AND HERE WE ARE AND THINGS CANT GET ANY WORSE

tearsofpain
Junior Member

since 2007-05-03

Posts 38

1 posted 2007-07-17 11:25 PM

this isnt the greatest i hate tryin to write and i cant get it out the way i want i plan on redoing this one but any feed back will help thankx

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

2 posted 2007-07-18 10:55 AM

Some of the ryhms seemed a little forced, and a few of the lines were too long...but other than that i saw nothing wrong with it. It flowed very nicely, i liked it

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

tearsofpain
Junior Member

since 2007-05-03

Posts 38

3 posted 2007-07-18 04:20 PM

thank u for the feed back i hate when i have something in my head and it just wont come out the way i want it too like it is perfect in my head but when i write it,it kinda comes out rough

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