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Dark Poetry #4
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Poor Puppy
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Poor Puppy |
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Musicmaker1969 
since 2000-06-25
Posts 589Peterborough, Ontario Canada |
I don't care about you. Gee, I wonder why? With your force and your demand Why would I even try? You don't have a girlfriend Yet you're forty-three! It is not a mystery Just why you are so lonely. You only just meet one But you don't go slow Just one step inside her door And you want her to blow. You could have had the world and me If only you'd slowed down But if you don't get things your own way You get defensive, mad and frown. Poor Puppy! Jesus is my Rock, music is my sanity. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Sheri Liegh Adams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Fairplay Member
since 2007-01-15
Posts 222England |
Hiya I read the last one you posted too /pip/Forum84/HTML/002965.html but didn’t go back to any of your stuff from last year…. Is this a verse about the same bloke who cant make the grade…. I don’t mean to be directly rude but it seems like a poor letter of complaint ie it makes the author look sadder than the miserable object which is the subject matter… You need to point out more clearly he is the loser and you are on to better things Just a thought Eric |
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Idontmindyouundermyskin Junior Member
since 2007-01-29
Posts 32 |
I agree with fairplay. It makes it seem like your putting him above you. Single him out and don't make it seem like you did anything wrong when it was all him. |
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Musicmaker1969
since 2000-06-25
Posts 589Peterborough, Ontario Canada |
you both don't know the full story now do you? a poem can only say so much of what happened. you are the typical type who judge the survivor and not the perpetrator. guess you don't know the truth about abuse do you? Sheri Jesus is my Rock, music is my sanity. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
It says you encourage critiques, well the above replies, were just that, you didn't seem too happy to hear them though. I know abuse lived with it for 6 years might not have been me getting hurt but... I was in the middle, you do not know for sure they do not know abuse unless you really know them. Many people have lived with abuse and still do I think a lot of them can relate and here you are saying these people don't know abuse. This poem I liked it somewhat I don't know if the "dark" feeling was in it, It seemed out of place in this forum. thats just my opinion although I liked the poem. The only part I didn't like was "poor puppy" it kind of seemed expressionless a simple couple of words put together. hunnie  ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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