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Dark Poetry #4
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From Dusk till Dawn
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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From Dusk till Dawn |
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SATURN Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78ok,us 
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From Dusk till Dawn From Dusk till Dawn the sun wonders lonely through the sky like a wondering stranger in the desert sky like a wondering stranger in the desert not a care in the when it is time for the sun to leave the moon and the sun exchange greetings for it is now time for the moon to take the sun's place in the sky From Dusk till Dawn the sun wonders around the world for ages to come with exchanging greeting between the sun and moon the sun has few friends in the sky a few one day and none the next The moon has friends every night to accompany him on his long journey through the sky while the sun wonders lonely without a care the moon has many tiny stars to take care of in the night sky the moon cast a soft light on the ground to light up the path of a wondering stranger From Dusk till Dawn with exchanging of greetings the path not yet taken will be lit by the suns bright eyes to watch the lonely stranger on his long journey through his long peaceful life. hali aka Saturn |
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| © Copyright 2006 Hali - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SATURN Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78ok,us |
it took me along time to actually want to post this. |
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openthoughts Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 94Where the child can be free |
I was drawn to this originally by the title, since I posted one of almost the exact same title I while back. After reading it, however, I realized that this had a life of it's own. I loved the entire metaphor and honestly think it's one of the best poems i've seen in quite some time |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
This needs lines of some kind and punctuation. Your reader can't see where the thought ends and starts. I will read it and crittique soon as you can organize it so its legible |
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SATURN Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78ok,us |
rhia the way it is formatted on paper you can read it but i was in a hurry when i posted it so give a few days and well see what happens. |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
I expected this to be about vampires (in reference to the Robert Rodriguez vampire flick "From Dusk till Dawn"). I agree with rhia. The thoughts are scattered and I'm not quite sure what's the deal. But who am I to say, right. My brain is like a shotgun in a field of shrapnel. Ed Yes it's me... |
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