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Dark Poetry #4
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A glass of wine
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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A glass of wine |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Feel this, this is real This is real and it feels like steel This feels like something Push me down the stairs I’ll meet you there Burn down my parade I’ll meet you there Don’t let me be happy I’ll meet you there Feel this, this is real This is real and it feels like steel This feels like something We’re not going to make it It’s come down to this A few moments And a glass of wine Not much of a moment At least it was mine… |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ryan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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junemac Senior Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 1005uk |
i like this one very much. the style is unusual but deeply thought out and well expressed. Sad but exactly right, well done !! hugs june x |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ryan: Not much of a moment At least it was mine… yes yours , exactly kind of made me feel like something lost . . . hmm more like trying to gain something lost xxoo |
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Starsfalling Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 94some where deep in the shadows |
that ending was...wow...damn great i love how your poems always seem to be songs..helps to connect it There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Thank you for your responses. I think my poems seem alot like songs mainly because I always write to music, it helps my creative process.  thanks. |
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Starsfalling Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 94some where deep in the shadows |
haha and i always read to music so it helps even more!! lol i write like that to..it just sets the tone and mood There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Yes, it's kind of like, I cannot write a good poem unless I write it on my computer, I'm not even joking :P |
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Starsfalling Member
since 2003-03-18
Posts 94some where deep in the shadows |
dude!! me either...i have to be here listening to music or i cant write...wow ive never met anyone else like that There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
ryan, this is a pretty good write, but i have been noticing you are starting to use refrains in your poems a lot more often. but i think i might be a little much, you know i am only here to be helpful, so dont be offended, but i think if you cut down a litte on the refrains the point would come across more strong. i also coulod be wrong but i am taking a pretty high level poetry class this semseter and i am learning new things, but i dont know it it necessarily helps, but thats what i think, but poetry is what you make it...ok i ma gonna stop rambling now, but i did enjoy the write! "So what befalls the flawless? |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Thanks eor, I appreciate the honesty. I think the main reason for my repeating things, is the way I'm feeling about life right now; I find it very repetitious. I will take into consideration what you have said though, because I respect your opinion greatly. Thanks again. |
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