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Dark Poetry #4

Deeper

Spot
Junior Member

since 2006-03-04

Posts 45
CA, US

0 posted 2006-10-25 01:52 AM

Deeper

There was charcoal on your hands
so now I’m black inside.
           you took me
you stole away the light
as deep as you could reach.
           I can’t meet your eyes
because mine weren’t looking
at your face;
           I did anything I could to pull you in
so empty I was shameless
and if I screamed
           it wasn’t for help.
I didn’t want to let you stop
until the darkness was mine
           I was trying to make you
push us far enough that
your hands would finally be
           clean
and I would finally be
gone.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-10-30 04:06 PM

Hi spot,

Interesting poem! I can truthfully say I enjoyed reading this one, yet, I can also truthfully state that I’m not even sure why I enjoyed reading this poem! lolz

I liked how you said things like

“ I can’t meet your eyes
because mine weren’t looking
at your face;”

to me that is interesting, it’s like an oxymoron yet it adds something more to the poem when you read it.
Also the idea of having charcoal on the other “person’s” hands and how it makes you black is something that adds a lot to the poem for me. It’s like, well, charcoal, you would think it plays no significant roles in writing but it adds a “deeper” level to the poem. I’m not making much sense… I did like your poem though.

Thanks for sharing and letting me babble about your poem

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

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