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Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2006-10-15 05:56 PM

Ode to Crazy

I am sorry
I'm not perfect
But I have come
so much farther
Then you had ever hoped for me

It would be a lie
To say that my fear
or my anxiety has now subdued

Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing

I have my demon
I call him Carlos

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silient all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (10-16-2006 01:06 AM).]

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-10-15 10:41 PM

Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing.

i think this stanza just made the whole poem come together but it could be just me i liked this poem... it portrayed a lot of feelings. nicely written

hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2006-10-15 11:02 PM

Thank you, But I'm unsure about the usage of subdued. It might not be a word. I was looking at my dictionary and I didn't seee it in that form... I might have to change it. I need to think of a better replacement. I also don't like the "ings". I plan on changing the stanza. I thought it would work, but looking back at it it is messy.

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silient all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (10-16-2006 01:08 AM).]

shatteredsilver
Member

since 2005-03-31

Posts 63
middle of nowhere

3 posted 2006-10-21 10:08 PM

Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing

And it's very hard to tell yourself falling isn't failing...

I think subduded is fine (and I believe it is a word. Of course, that might just be in my head)

Other than that, I might rework some of the beginning. But the rest is very nice.

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