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JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

0 posted 2006-10-01 08:52 AM

even in their feeble attempts
at selfless generosity
they hold back the penny
of emotional connection
that breaks a sparrow’s fall.

their portraits line the walls
of good intentions
in unfeeling halls
where shoes they never walked in
muddy heartless carpets
of detachment.

come, draw water from my well
of tears and feel the sparrow’s
heartbeat.

[This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (10-01-2006 10:30 AM).]

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-10-02 01:49 AM

Hi Jennifer,

I liked this one but I'm having trouble with the ending? I'm not sure I understand what you are implying by the last stanza. I see the connection through the sparrow but I am just so very dense that I can't make it out, it is rather late though...

The first and 2nd stanza I did enjoyed reading, the 2nd one especially. The metaphors you used in this, or so I thought, were very good in promoting what you were saying.

Thanks for sharing this piece, I think that I had better come back tomorrow, after a nights rest, and decide about the rest though

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

2 posted 2006-10-02 01:11 PM

Thanks so much for reading and commenting Stargal. It’s just sort of an admonishment to those who go about loudly proclaiming their good deeds while in their next breath, judging, belittling or demeaning the recipients of their “generosity”.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2006-10-02 07:38 PM

Jennifer, yes,I am reading you

come, draw water from my well
of tears and feel the sparrow’s
heartbeat.

try changing this to :

come, draw water
from my well of tears
and feel the sparrow’s heartbeat.

( keep "well of tears" together)

or

Come, draw from my well of tears
and feel the sparrow’s heartbeat.

you may not need water ...

M

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-10-03 09:33 AM

I understood what it is supposed to be about it's just the ending stanza that gets me.

Everytime I read it I think I know what you are saying but then I read it again and get a whole new conclusion on the poem. I think I will just have to continue reading until I come up with the same answer

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

5 posted 2006-10-03 11:16 AM

I too dislike those people who claim to do good while holding back from true generostiy.

Am I correct in surmising that the sparrow's heart is a metaphor for the actual issues that the "do-gooders" puport to be aiding, but do not in reality have any real understanding of?

An excellent poem Jennifer.

"The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun."

One God by The Beautiful South

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