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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Journey |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Along the path that I have traveled through misty field and woodland shadow, all the stars have names I know while footprints vanished under stone. Flowers bruised with love's last touch bloom again in sweeter meadows where need and longing fold into trembling dawn and rising moon. In dappled light the day grows cold; the grove has lost its heady scent blossoms fade into the years, and memory walks where footsteps fear. The path has narrowed into night, loss become the guiding light, but ever like the moth to candle, my eye keeps on the distant meadow. |
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| © Copyright 2006 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lanaia74 Member
since 2006-08-25
Posts 67 |
Wow! That's all I can say! |
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powerxxx Junior Member
since 2006-09-21
Posts 17 |
hey thats pretty good nice job |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Gently iambic Jennifer - who said you can't handle meter. You have the da-DUM thing off to a tee, with for the most part, legitimate substitutions I think. Though I'm no expert on meter. You really have a natural talent yanno for creating the "right" tone and atmosphere - something that it's very hard to teach. There are abstractions here a-plenty it's true, but Mary Oliver has clearly rubbed off on you and the whole is so much greater than the parts that the occasional vagueness not only doesn't matter, but actually adds to the piece. I'm seriously tempted to do a Marge! Resist resist .... just, well done. M |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Thanks all. Iambic? Purely by accident. Actually, Moonbeam, it was written before reading Mary Oliver. Read her "Why I Wake Early" last night. Think I prefer the Owl collection. Wake kind of gave me the feeling you have when your belief system is shattered by tragedy or loss. Hard to explain. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
This is what I have: New and Selected Poems (Paperback) by Mary Oliver Yes iambic predominantly. Along the path that I have traveled a LONG the PATH that I have TRAV eled through misty field and woodland shadow, through MIS ty FIELD and WOOD land SHAD dow all the stars have names I know ALL the STARS have NAMES I know while footprints vanished under stone. while FOOT prints VAN ished UN der STONE etc etc you can HEAR that, yes? da DUM da DUM |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Jennifer~ There was such a lovely cadence to this piece as I read it aloud~ Flowers bruised with love's last touch bloom again in sweeter meadows where need and longing fold into trembling dawn and rising moon.' Softly done with delicate elegance~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ -------------------------------------------- LOL ...  "When you care enough to send the very best" ... there is only ONE Marge~  ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
""When you care enough to send the very best" ...there is only ONE Marge~" Now that's REALLY cute, Marge! What a delightful sense of humor you have. Thanks, Moonbeam, I think I get it, finally! Sort of like horseback riding, don't you think? My punishment, I mean, my assignment for this week, whether I like it or not, will be a short poem in iambic something or other, or at least a few lines. Does haiku count? *) |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Jen quote: Er, I hesitate to say "for once", but YAY I totally and absolutely agree with Marge on this - and you can have that in blood if you want. Read aloud that is indeed a beautiful passage, perhaps one of the most beautiful I've read on PIP yet. You have got some enviable internal rhyme and slant rhyme, but "delicate elegance" describes it precisely. And yes, horseback riding; till you get on to trochees that is, DUM da - horseback riding facing backwards maybe? Try lots of "blank verse". Unrhymed iambic pentameter. Tis good practice: "In Dark there lurks a woman who can write with such an aptitude for sound and tone that even critics cast with hearts of steel are melted in the furnace of her song." and so on and so on. After a while you so get into it that you'll find yourself walking round the mall talking to yourself in iambic pentameter. That's when you start to worry! Best. M |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Marge is rubbing off on you, Moonbeam. Thank you for the kind words. I think what I'll do is spend a day reading some of the classics in iambic pentameter or blank verse and then I'll do the writing you suggested. Sort of tune up the ear and get the beat before I give it a try. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
quote: Er, right, if you say so - the mind boggles! Remember, blank verse, no rhyme. Forget rhyme for now, it's a distraction. M |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Did a little of both. Read some of Paradise Lost and poems by British Women Romantic poets last night. I checked all the lines in Paradise that didn't seem clearly iambic, (to me) Milton's got some explaining to do! Can't fool me, behind your mask of brutal critic beats the heart of a lovely person. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
This is a nice poem. |
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