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JosephF
Junior Member

since 2006-08-30

Posts 30

0 posted 2006-09-01 08:37 AM

Through Pain and Pleasure,
I stay as the outcast,
Knowing what I am and being unable to stop it,
Let me protect these fragile hearts.

My dreams cloud my pattern of thought,
Through these piercing blue eyes
Lies an unsound mind of shattered glass
That I walk on everyday

Lie after lie as I try to explain my ugliness,
Regretting what happens in what can be only described as a trance,
Contemplating the horrific outcome,
Of what is an inevitable nightmare

Philmont
Member

since 2004-01-10

Posts 61

1 posted 2006-09-03 12:00 PM

Yes, the disonance you get when you don't look as good as you feel can be daunting. This poem kinda reminds me of a Christian who finally realizes he has to keep telling lies to himself and to other to stay afloat, and he has to keep trampling on the shattered honesty he had with himself before he converted.

-note from Moderator: I've edited the inappropriate language from this post. Contact a moderator if you have questions.

[This message has been edited by Masked Intruder (09-07-2006 03:17 PM).]

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

2 posted 2006-09-04 09:41 PM

Yeah I have to agree with ya. Very deep poem though.I liked it. I hope to see more from you. Thanks for sharing.

~Courtney~

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

3 posted 2006-09-05 02:48 AM

Very good, Joseph. At first, I flinched at the cliche 'pain and pleasure', for although it's an abstract (what pain, what pleasure?) you've kinda explained yourself in verse 3, line 1.

I enjoyed the rhythm, especially line 2 of verse 3, as it just tumbles out.

I like your incorporation of 'shattered glass'...walking on it inside your mind is fantastic...although, you continue with another abstraction, 'horrific'. For me, that word's too powerful to casually drop---I want to know what 'the horrific' actually is. I feel this is the opening scenes of what could become a great description of what that 'unsound mind' (like that, too) actually sees.

Thanks for the read.

Shaddow1
Junior Member

since 2006-09-04

Posts 41
Kingman Az, USA

4 posted 2006-09-08 09:17 AM

Very nicley done. I agree with the person above me. kudo's and I hope tp read more from you.

Love is like a Rose; it always dies - Britney Miller

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