Dark Poetry #4 |
staring up at the open sky at night |
burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
I am tortured by this A wrinkled curtain dripping with red Into a river of pain EVERYTHING coming in at once Like the landing of a plane Docking of a cruise ship Parking of a tractor trailer And an oversized meteorite All crashing into my space The rooms closing in I’ve lost control behind the wheel The ground crumbles at my feet And I reach for a hand But the only one left Says: Finally I know whach you’re doing So I pray for tranquility The peace of a sardine Alone in a tin can The only nestled offspring of an expectant robin A feather in an infinite grassy field A house cat in Versailles A drop of water in the Sahara Old faithful, the only one in the country Staring up at the open sky at night Lost in thought Lost in Tuberculosis |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
I like the frustration and trapped feeling in your poem. Everything's closing in on you but you can't escape. Or things are happening too fast and you can't control them. I can relate to that big time! Good job! |
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burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
Thanks so much Sorrow...moving to fast, for sure. |
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trUstNooNe Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91 |
Nice i like the way you made examples in the poem very nice! |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to passions. Nice first post here. Unique style, interesting theme. I read you twice, and would only suggest a spell check to give the final gloss to an outstanding write. You really set the mood very well, and I liked the examples...you carried them right through each verse. Really good effect. TD |
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burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
thanks again for the comments...glad you liked it! |
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