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Dark Poetry #4
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Bobomo
Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 35


0 posted 2006-07-24 07:36 PM


Thru the air I soar on wings crafted of sorrow
Ebony black, destroying tomorrow

High I fly, above hope and joy
They’re reduced to the size of a child’s toy

I give them up, I fly even higher
I think I’m free but the clouds are a mire

My wings become chains, I plummet towards earth
Forced to reckon, broken down to my birth

Through love I was forged, the mating of souls
There were no plans and there were no goals

Passion has twisted the fabric of space
A fiery explosion left me in its place

My parents I am, the two made one
Torments of the past suddenly done

Thru them I realize who I should be
I panic, I scream, I try to break free

Trapped in my fall, wrapped in my chains
I summon my strength, I cleanse my pains

With a mighty shout, I shatter the ties
That bound my arms and covered my eyes

I spread my wings, now vibrant with light
I feel my courage, regained my sight

My weakened soul now bustles with power
The strength of my family, my fears now cower

I float to the ground and walk with pride
My friends, my family are by my side

They’ve given a gift, now I can see
The love, the wisdom, the will to be me


Edit: I changed "powerful shout" to "mighty shout"

[This message has been edited by Bobomo (07-25-2006 06:03 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Bobomo - All Rights Reserved
the quell
Member
since 2006-07-19
Posts 144
Liverpool, UK
1 posted 2006-07-24 08:25 PM


That was stunning, truly. I found the ending uplifting, but the first part *really* reminded me of the myth of Icarus. The first couple of stanzas especially; beautiful imagery
trUstNooNe
Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91

2 posted 2006-07-24 11:03 PM


Amazing...truely amazing...i love it...
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
3 posted 2006-07-25 07:04 PM


"Thru the air I soar on wings crafted of sorrow
Ebony black, destroying tomorrow

High I fly, above hope and joy
They’re reduced to the size of a child’s toy

I give them up, I fly even higher
"

-Wow! This is deff one of my favorite poems by you, even though i've only seen a couple. This one just blows everything out of the water, I love the imagery in it! The emotions, the wording, not too many hard words to understand but words that are complex enough to make the poem interesting.

Simply amazing job on your part! I can't wait to read more and more like this I hope... Thanks for sharing

@-->---

Digital_Hell
Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202
Amidst black roses
4 posted 2006-07-30 10:11 AM




Absolutely beautiful. Very powerfull imagery and great emotions. Very nice! Brutally honest id have to say i unashamedly love it!

hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here
shall we go?
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Will you walk with me?

beautyincalvary
Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98

5 posted 2006-07-31 05:47 PM


I really like this poem, and from me, that's a huge compliment. It was very well done, the stanzas flow and I couldn't find any true errors. I couldn't figure out the stanza where you used "regained my sight," just in that regained was in past tense, but maybe you meant it to be. All in all, a very fine poem.
greysolace
Member
since 2006-03-27
Posts 71

6 posted 2006-08-01 04:57 PM


this simply enthralled me. i love flying with wings so the title drew me in. the poem itself got me addicted. amazingly awesome. so much is felt in it. i can relate to every word.

~~Poetry is written emotion~~
greysolace
amaya the phoenix

Bobomo
Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 35

7 posted 2006-08-03 05:05 PM


Thank you all for the feedback! I didn't mean regained to be past tense, thank you for pointing that out to me. I'm going to have to ponder that stanza.
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
8 posted 2006-08-11 08:03 PM


Have been reading your poetry, and enjoying as you spread out a little.
The couplets seem to be a favorite style, and you do them well.
I can't help but wonder what flavor would come in free verse.  You seem to have a lot locked up in your heart.
Nice work.
TD

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