Shape - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

0 posted 2006-06-23 09:32 AM

Shape

This is it, it's nearly over, part of me is leaving forever. Watch me grow and run away, in what direction will be where you say. Although I may look like me, I live through others and will never be free. My mind is numb, strung and dumb I await your orders to leave or come, 'cos on your leash I'll always remain, stuck this way cold and strained. Shape my world and shape my life without me knowing or seeing the light, lost and broken I may be but it's all I know, so don't blame me. Now hot and heavy I stand here, the crossroads present but still unclear. It scares me how much I need you to tell me what I should do; so help me please, be my eyes. Shape my future...Shape my life...

rockbabe
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 105

1 posted 2006-06-25 05:32 AM

This words are very nicely put.
The only advice from me to you is that perhaps you could have structured the poem a bit better.
Other than that I liked it.
Hope to read more soon...

Venus1974
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 79
Tennessee, USA

2 posted 2006-08-06 08:52 PM

I think its a very intresting piece...like ur compelled to be what someone else wants you to be and have been for so long that you do not know how to be free of that so you sadly accept that fate

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus

Bobomo
Junior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 35

3 posted 2006-08-06 09:59 PM

I like to desolate picture you paint and the desire, the need to be led.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-08-07 12:41 PM

I agree with Venus on it's like you are compelled to be someone that another person has created. Yet, it's almost like you don't care that you are and that you are stating a fact. I find that to be an interesting aspect to the poem... all in all I liked this a lot; the wording was great like said above

It was a very captivating write! Thanks for sharing

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

5 posted 2006-08-07 01:26 AM

thanks to all who replied to this poem. You all seem to get where i'm coming from. It means a lot to me...

Decriel
Junior Member

since 2006-08-08

Posts 27

6 posted 2006-08-10 02:05 PM

Ahh yes the soldier or rebel situation, very very well put... Yet again a brillian write and well captivated in your words

Digital_Hell
Member

since 2006-06-05

Posts 202
Amidst black roses

7 posted 2006-08-10 03:38 PM

Quite desolate. I Like it a lot! i could relate to this quite well. Keep up this awesome work

A sign in the wind
The fatal last breath
Soft prelude to death
Alone
Amidst black roses

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.