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Dark Poetry #4
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fallen for.
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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fallen for. |
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niere Member
since 2006-04-23
Posts 77 |
And you held me. But controlled, so fraught with pretence. How did my eyes lose their insight? (Unfocused through tears…) When did I become so vulnerable to you? (Embracing your ‘warmth’.) And you never told me you loved me - Though I implored you to. I just sat - Cradled in your arms daddy. Crying too loudly from pain. I pleaded, Tried to make you understand, But you just shushed me daddy. You didn’t really care, and, You never really have. |
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| © Copyright 2006 niere - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
Lots of feeling, very sad. I could feel this .Very Nice |
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niere Member
since 2006-04-23
Posts 77 |
thank you. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
So much emotion in this.. at first I thought It was gonna be about a guy.. but after I read it.. I'm glad it turned out the way it did.. so sad.. true.. but your emotions were written down so beautifully.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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DavidTheLion Junior Member
since 2006-04-06
Posts 36 |
wow...I really was surprised. I love the way it starts off with "and"...kind of like catching it all in the middle of a monologue...kinda makes me wish I could have "heard the beginning"... I felt swept into the emotion of this poem from the first line, and I also like the word "daddy" instead of father. I like the fact that its mature content, as in psychologically, but then using the childish word daddy...really love the contrast. The ending too...I like how you made the rhythm, and how it ends so bitter...vey dry and snapped off, kinda! This is a good one. |
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