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Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

0 posted 2006-04-22 07:46 AM

           Welcome to hell
Welcome to hell
would you like to come in?
Step over the threshold
and let the journey begin

The first thing you do
is take a step back
Because hell makes no sense
and guidance is slack

So you wander around
in a place filled with screams
From the terror that finds it's way
into your dreams

There is no escape
from this place,you know
You can fight all you want
but hell won't let go

You'll look for a light
but find that there's none
And you can never undo
the damage you've done

So you sell your soul
in exchange for a deal
But in hell, deals break
and there is no appeal

The peace you were promised
never enters your mind
And the end to your nightmares
you're never to find

If this sounds like a place
that you'd like to be
Take hold of my hand
and come there with me

But first, I must warn you
of that which you'll lose
So listen carefully
before you choose

Your soul is the first thing to go
then your heart
And your sanity then
from you will depart

Then you're lost and you're lonely
not knowing your needs
And it's from this confusion
that pure evil feeds

So you sink even lower
inside of this place
And you put on a mask
to cover your face

So that nobody knows
the pain that you hide
And nobody knows
the place you reside

And this I can tell you
with certainty
Your soul will be lost
for eternity

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

1 posted 2006-04-22 08:20 AM

I've never let people read my poems before, so this is pretty scary for me. Seems like most stuff I write is pretty gloomy, so this is a great forum for me. I've read so many great poems that I can actually relate to.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2006-04-22 02:35 PM

"Then you're lost and you're lonely
not knowing your needs
And it's from this confusion
that pure evil feeds"

i like this line alot. This was an excellent write my friend. I liked the rhythmn it had to it and the flow of the piece in general was very good. Lookin forward to seeing more.

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-i wrote it somewhere in time

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2006-04-23 12:39 PM

You did an excellent job in this poem, and don't worry about being gloomy - lots of folks love that doom and gloom stuff, me for one! Welcome to Passions In Poetry - hope you enjoy it here.

Waste not a second ~ Carpe' Diem

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

4 posted 2006-04-23 01:59 AM

Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think. I was really nervous about letting anyone see what I write, because it's the only way I've ever been able to express myself, so it's very personal to me. So thanks for the feedback. It means alot

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2006-04-23 06:40 PM

You'll look for a light
but find that there's none
And you can never undo
the damage you've done

The only thing I was missing was the welcome... I somehow slipped in without one. *S*

Excellent write... and now... welcome to Passions... may it never be hell for you. *S*

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

6 posted 2006-04-24 01:34 AM

Yeah,nobody sent the welcome wagon for me either. It was a pretty lonely descent for me, so I figured I'd let people know they won't be alone, should they ever find themselves there someday too

DavidTheLion
Junior Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 36

7 posted 2006-05-18 01:24 PM

I feel a lot of loneliness in that poem for some reason. Dont stop posting here thats for sure, I think the best poems are from the soul anyways, from people who "are deep"...and you're deep.

I look forward to being taken to hell with you!

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

8 posted 2006-05-18 02:38 PM

I think when your so far close to the bottom, is when you realize the good in life's journey

this was gripping...and well written, very much enjoyed!

Sweetie01
Junior Member

since 2006-05-15

Posts 28
NJ, USA

9 posted 2006-05-20 10:24 PM

Excelent write! I enjoyed it a lot,
your a talented writer...keep it up
Amanda<33

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

10 posted 2006-06-04 11:56 PM

Thank you all so much for your replies and support. There is indeed a lot of loneliness in this poem. I wrote it during one of the darkest times in my life. The hell I wrote of wasn;t the biblical one. It was my life. I;m still hoping to find my way out someday.

*Angel*

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

11 posted 2006-06-14 12:07 PM

very nice and very well written. it actually makes u think about hell in a differnt way

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

12 posted 2006-06-14 03:50 AM

Sometimes I think the other one would be easier to deal with than trying to live through hell on earth.

*Angel*

Frank W. Torres
Member

since 2006-06-10

Posts 133

13 posted 2006-06-14 03:55 PM

Great Poem! Striking.

Internalexile
Junior Member

since 2006-06-15

Posts 38
UK

14 posted 2006-06-15 03:29 PM

Brillient write, the ryming was awesome!

Internalexile

Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak...

perfect stranger
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 54
on cloud 9

15 posted 2006-06-15 10:13 PM

poem brilliant, keep up the good work this is my kind of poem,ive been there but now life is on the up and up,hope you get what your looking for surely not hell,

greysolace
Member

since 2006-03-27

Posts 71

16 posted 2006-06-16 12:18 PM

wow. thts all i can say. wow. simply amazing.

"So you sink even lower
inside of this place
And you put on a mask
to cover your face

So that nobody knows
the pain that you hide
And nobody knows
the place you reside"

this part personally struck me. i applaude u.

~~Poetry is written emotion~~
greysolace

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

17 posted 2006-06-20 06:28 AM

You are indeed a lovely writer who pens pain with every word, but I'll say this my friend, that this poem was written right from the soul. And you'll feel it one day and realise that it wasn't gone, just misplaced, or perhaps wearing a mask itself.
A very touching first write!
much love Cheye xx

Digital_Hell
Member

since 2006-06-05

Posts 202
Amidst black roses

18 posted 2006-06-20 03:23 PM

Striking poem. very beautifully written. and dont worry about being alone, there are oters down tere waiting for company! Amazing work keep it up!

hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here
shall we go?
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Will you walk with me?

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

19 posted 2006-06-20 04:31 PM

"Welcome to hell
would you like to come in?
Step over the threshold
and let the journey begin"

Wow! Talk about an amazing beginning, it seemed to draw you into wanting to read more and more...

The imagery in this was brilliant, I loved reading the whole thing. Everything seemed to fit perfectly in with the idea, nothing didn't belong it was all where it should be.

Great job, I can't wait to read more

@-->---

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

20 posted 2006-06-20 08:44 PM

Wow! I'm amazed by the response to this poem. I'd always felt so alone in my feelings, set apart and different than everyone else. I had no idea that I had neighbors in hell. lol.

^*^Angel^*^

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

21 posted 2006-06-24 11:19 PM

one major misconception about the biblical hell is that there is terror or torture
good none the less

Sikanda
Member

since 2002-10-08

Posts 54

22 posted 2006-07-20 08:50 PM

I really like this poem a lot. It kinda reminds me of my poem "abyss" (shameless plug here!) a poem I posted here awhile back that I never got any responses too

The rhythym is amazing!

"There is no escape
from this place,you know
You can fight all you want
but hell won't let go"

this is how I feel practically all of the time! I agree with your comment about this hell being preferable to the one on earth - I often feel that way. Then again I don't really belive in hell - not the biblical one anyways but thats another subject...

I haven't posted here in awhile...seems I don't ever get that many replies. Like "abyss" for example - no-one replied to that one at all.

If you do want to read my poetry you can either do a search for my name and read the stuff I posted here(which isn't much), email me and I'll send you some, or wait until I put all on my website(which you can email me at [email protected] to get the link to) and read it there...

Venus1974
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 79
Tennessee, USA

23 posted 2006-07-23 11:55 PM

Most of my poetry is dark too...the hell some of us experience is so defeating at times but, I think probably like me this is the way you vent your feelings out and in venting there can be healing...it takes time unfortunately for some of us A LOT OF TIME but, it is gonna be worth it in the end...I look forward to reading more of your poetry...I really enjoyed this and as someone already said it all seemed to fit just perfectly from begining to end!

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

24 posted 2006-09-30 05:37 AM

Ok i came i read and it is dark. It is and at the very least it deserves another go around.

I am going to re read this poem a couple of times and it may even make it to my library in which case i guess i'm gonna have to start thinking.

I could critique this poem and i'm sure if i read through the thread in total someone has but in the end this poem isn't about the words.

What i mean is the emotion is what is important its what feeds the darkness.

This poem has emotion. there can be no greater acheivment than that

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

25 posted 2006-09-30 10:21 PM

This was some incredible work. I read it over and over again! Very dark.

I really enjoyed reading something a litte more on my level. (I prefer dark poems myself)

Very good! I hope to see more of your work.

Thanks for the great write...Kira

Brittany
Junior Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 32
Canada

26 posted 2006-10-01 05:58 PM

Wow, this was an amazing poem, I really really enjoyed it. I cant think of anything else to say....wow.

~Life Ain't Always Beautiful~

Moonkist
Member

since 2006-09-29

Posts 197
Pennsylvania

27 posted 2006-10-02 06:00 AM

WoW! What a great first poem to post!! Very happy you decided to share this wonderful poem. So relatable, understandable... Isn't poetry a wonderful way to express ourselves?

The loneiness ... I've been there, different circumstances, but, was there... and I got out... reached out.... anyways!

Look forward to reading more of you, AloneInTheDark, so write on!

Peace,
Moonkist

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

28 posted 2006-10-02 01:19 PM

amazing post Welcome to pip

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

29 posted 2006-10-03 03:44 AM

WOW! You all have left me speechless. I haven't been on in awhile, so the last thing I expected was to click on and see one of my poems back on the first page. Especially with such an amazing response! I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read this and for sharing your thoughts about it. And Walter,thanks! Not only for dusting this off, but also for the praise. I don't think I've ever been paid such a wonderful compliment!

*^*Angel*^*

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

30 posted 2006-10-13 11:11 AM

Actually going to do something i never do and reply to a reply.

You going to have a nothing shock when you log on back the first page.

A good poem is a good poem and i'm still thinking sorry about the wait i will write the poem i owe you just have about six other projects on the go(looking into getting a novel or two published some short stories and designing a game hmm. Plus looking for a new job.) so bear with me

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

31 posted 2006-10-13 11:16 PM

Wow...I find few poems that hold my attention like this one did...This was an excellent read. Welcome to passions.

"My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created"~ Disturbed

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

32 posted 2006-10-13 11:19 PM

Ah...I forgot to add this to my library the first go around..so..yes, thanks for the great read. again. lol.

"My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created"~ Disturbed

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

idntcareifudntcare
Junior Member

since 2006-10-18

Posts 18
BC, Canada

33 posted 2006-10-18 01:24 AM

wow.. ur soo talented.. i mean like u rili caught me.. u save my life! lol (mcr) ....

xxx

shatteredsilver
Member

since 2005-03-31

Posts 63
middle of nowhere

34 posted 2006-10-21 09:57 PM

Wow.

This is something I really like - the way you made me think of hell as a place that would send out a welcome wagon, sort of try and make the people who come feel like they belong - in a nice way...eep!

Wonderful and thought provoking

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

35 posted 2007-01-10 05:43 AM

There will always be a welcome wagon. You know what they say, "misery loves company"....I just didn't realize before I had any

~*~Angel~*~

Tears in the rain
New Member

since 2006-07-02

Posts 8

36 posted 2007-01-11 03:05 AM

I just got a little confused. (happens a lot,lol!) I saw "Welcome to Hell" and thought I'd reread it. I wondered why it didn't seem familiar til I noticed it was a different poem by someone else. Anyway, thought I'd dig this up and read it again since it was on my mind. As with the first time I read it, it kept my attention from beg
gining to end. Amazing!

sisterlynx
New Member

since 2007-01-17

Posts 7

37 posted 2007-01-17 05:38 AM

I'm fond of the cryptic as well, so really I liked this.

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

38 posted 2007-01-17 08:12 AM

Awww, the people in this forum are the best! It's good (in a tragic sort of way) to finally know that someone else understands. Scarlett, I read your poem "for Theresa" and I'm sorry that you're dealing with something like that. It's heartbreaking to watch somebody you love suffer, and know that you can't fix it. God bless you both!

~*~Angel~*~

Angel4aKing
Senior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 1372
USA

39 posted 2007-02-13 10:31 PM

Welcome to passions.....you sound like my roommate....He don't share his poetry often...don't worry I'm working on it!!!!
But in hell, deals break
and there is no appeal

My favorite part.....It tells me be careful of your deals.....

~~~kingsangel~~~

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

40 posted 2007-02-14 10:19 PM

Thanks for your reply Angel4AKing
but just to clear things up, it's not MY deals you have to be careful of. This hell is the emotional dungeon my world has been lost in, and I,m just another inmate, not the jailkeeper! lol

~*~Angel~*~

RavenSmith
Member

since 2007-03-02

Posts 53
Oregon

41 posted 2007-03-02 05:53 PM

I enjoy dark poems myself. Inner hell also a chaos that seems to control ones self. I thought your poem had a nice delivery of what most of us fear.

~Best Regards,Raven Smith

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

42 posted 2007-03-03 03:16 PM

Thank you Raven. This kind of chaos does have alot of control,therefor making it so hard to overcome. but, maybe someday........

~*~Angel~*~

L. Ottanio
Junior Member

since 2007-04-17

Posts 27
Connecticut, USA

43 posted 2007-04-19 12:24 PM

i love dark poems about death, destruction and drugs and addictions - i write many myself... I really liked being invited to take a mini tour of hell... i am published poet. I mean I write books. So you might want do consider the stanza's in brackets - check out how i reworded them to make them sound better read out-loud.

So you sell your soul
in exchange for a deal
But in hell, deals break
and there is no appeal

The peace you were promised
never enters your mind
(change to read An end to your nightmares)
you’ll never to find

If this sounds like a place
that you'd like to be
Take hold of my hand
and go there with me (if you want to use there - it should read go there with me, if you use here it could read and come here with me

But first, I must warn you
of that which you'll lose
So listen carefully
before you choose

(this stanza makes more sense and sounds better read aloud) my opinion of course

[The 1st thing to go is your soul
Then the devil takes your heart
Soon after that your sanity
Will most definitely depart]

[When you're lost and lonely
not knowing what you need
it's this chaos and confusion
that pure evil feeds]

So you sink even lower
inside of this place
And you put on a mask
to cover your face

So that nobody knows
the pain that you hide
And nobody knows
the place you reside

[This much is true
I can you with certainty
You will burn in hell
For an eternity]

lovergurl
Member

since 2007-05-08

Posts 59
va

44 posted 2007-05-10 11:23 PM

o_0!!
i love this!!
omg.
this poem is very, very, VERY powerful, and i love it.
great job!!
please post some more. =]

Becca.

qtpieelmo
Senior Member

since 2000-07-04

Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY

45 posted 2007-05-12 07:39 PM

woW Great Write!!! This reminds me of a poem of mine called No Return. Love this. I hope to see more of you soon!!!

ELMO

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today!!"

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

46 posted 2007-05-13 09:17 PM

You speak truth here. Sometimes life can feel quite like hell.

tearsofpain
Junior Member

since 2007-05-03

Posts 38

47 posted 2007-06-03 04:37 AM

wow i love this one

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

48 posted 2007-06-03 03:45 PM

Oh wow! i loved it!! I am looking forward to seeing more!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

49 posted 2008-07-01 11:38 PM

ahh it has been indeed a long long time since this poem was written just going to see what this new generation of darks think of it.. really liked it the 1st time angel loved it the 2nd go around.. my gawd.. has it really been two years lol..
Krysti

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

50 posted 2008-07-02 12:28 PM

This could no have been your first post. This is absolutly stunning! I love this, Fantastic job. And you shouldn't be scared to show your talent, 'cause obviously it's apprecieated.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans!...'cuase dat's just how I roll.."
{~Emily~}

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

51 posted 2008-07-02 05:32 PM

WOW.... OMG.... THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO GOING INTO MY LIBRARY!!!!

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb....,"he murmured. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion."

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

52 posted 2008-07-02 07:37 PM

This is a very accurate and vivid description of hell. Great job, Poet.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

Luciferums
New Member

since 2008-07-08

Posts 1

53 posted 2008-07-08 11:06 PM

must say, really great work with this poem pleasure to read keep it up

Moonkist
Member

since 2006-09-29

Posts 197
Pennsylvania

54 posted 2008-07-10 11:53 PM

sounds about right... very good.

PoetsPlay
Member

since 2007-12-22

Posts 56
California

55 posted 2008-07-20 12:51 PM

Whoa, I really liked that! I can relate to your "mostly writing dark poems", because that's the same with me. I think I've only written happy poems two times in my life-even for school I never wrote exactly "happy" things. Your rhyme scheme was really good, which I find lots of people lack in, so it was refreshing to see other people rhyme like me. Great job!

Alexandra

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

56 posted 2008-07-23 12:49 PM

i think we're all alone sometimes we just have to find those who understand us. i love this poem.

midnightdreamer

"It was heaven........right in the center of hell" Bella from New Moon

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

57 posted 2008-07-23 12:51 PM

we all go through hell. great poem!!

midnightdreamer

"It was heaven........right in the center of hell" Bella from New Moon

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

58 posted 2009-05-12 12:24 PM

i can relate sometime life is hell but the good news is we can get through it

i loved reading this poem cant wait to read more keep it up

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

59 posted 2009-05-12 10:15 PM

I read this before, and I wanted to tell you a story then, but I have found through experience that my stories are not always welcomed as replies.

?

But now that this and you have been duly recognized, I wanted to tell you how much I related to this.

You see, I'm from New Orleans, and while we were...away, we'd phone our neighbors to see if anyone had gotten back yet, as per our agreement to leave an appropriate message on our various answering machines.

"Welcome to Hell" was the first message from home we received. So I related to your poem in a totally different perspective. And yanno, I hope that sanity goes before the soul...

I must consult my Dante's.

*smile*

Congratulations--you've written something that permeates the spectrum.

I'd say that I enjoyed, but yanno? I was reminded. So I hope you appreciate my silent applause.

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