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Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

0 posted 2008-01-24 09:55 AM

The Dark Horse

I am the dark thought
brooding within.
Mingled with madness,
surrounded by sin.

I am the strength
that conquers and quells.
A darkened clarity,
like the hymns of brass bells.

I am the shadow
guiding your eyes.
Though I seldom tell truths,
I will whisper no lies.

I am the triumphant,
no matter the cost.
But sometimes it’s better
to have quarreled and lost.

Although I loathe evil,
I can not choose a side.
I am the dark horse.
I am the divide.

1/23/08

shattered-smiles
Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 247
inside the shadows

1 posted 2008-01-25 08:18 AM

I like this poem a lot. The only thing I would be to critique, is that the rhyming seemed a little forced in some stanzas.

Although I loathe evil,
I can not choose a side.
I am the dark horse.
I am the divide

I didn't really get what "I am the divide" is supposed to mean. Maybe I'm just not thinking enough? Great write anyway.
TJ

[&] she's a blood broken rose

KatKali
Member

since 2008-01-03

Posts 67
Where the wispers grow louder

2 posted 2008-01-25 05:01 PM

I think its very good, I can't place it but for some reason it reminds me of a foggy night, with a light rain. Paints a great picture.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

3 posted 2008-01-26 01:23 AM

It has alot of detail that most poets are sometimes scared to put in. i think that if ohters don't like it, who cares?! it's you'r poem you can write it the way you want. sorry for being so ...oh whats the word? well whatever. I enjoyed it and liked the way you worded everything. and katkali is right, it does paint a great picture.

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

4 posted 2008-01-26 01:51 AM

Damn good poem, loved it.

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

5 posted 2008-01-26 02:45 AM

Thank you for all your kind words (and critiques). This poem shines a light on the darker side that I seem to be feeling these days. The title was inspired by the book "The Dark Horse" by John Fischer.

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