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Dark Poetry #4
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Crying
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Crying |
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*Inque Monroe* Junior Member
since 2003-10-18
Posts 43No where special |
(This one is new but I don't really like it, I'll leave it to you to decide if it is good or not?) The rain pours down on this house, the hell I call home Nothing joyful lies inside Just an empty tomb A tomb of hate A tomb of fate It shapes my every wake In this cold place Where life lies unchased I rest my face The rain pours down on this house and this house alone It makes me who I am The bitterness, the envy Burning inside Came from this place I want to leave To run from it all But this place holds me to its gate In the house the rain pours down on The screams can be heard The sceams of hate The screams of sorrow and the screams of despair And in this house I lie to sleep I dream of death it holds the key And like the rain falling down on this house I'm always crying |
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| © Copyright 2003 Victoria Ware - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Asian Rain Member
since 2003-10-11
Posts 73 |
What is it about your poem you don't like? Whatever it is, I would think that's the place to start to make any revisions. Quite often I'll have an idea in my head that I like, but not the right words at the time to express it the way I want. I write it anyway, put it aside for a few weeks, and then come back and rework it. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
I often don't like the things I write either, sometimes it's because what I have written is far too personal even for myself to want to face and accept. When we write, the things we truly feel seep out and onto paper (or computer screen, depending where you write). There's nothing wrong with this poem at all, it's beautiful and sad. Sometimes what makes a poem is not how it was written, but what you put into it while you wrote it and this seemed like you put alot into it, bravo. |
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~*DrAgOnFLY*~ Junior Member
since 2003-10-17
Posts 29Haven of Abyss |
i agree with the mad hatter up there hun, good work  "You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same" |
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lauren03 Member
since 2002-01-04
Posts 64oh, usa |
i thought your poem very deep and it connected well. there's been many times in my life already where i feel the way you feel. the home you live in is all you have take it for what it's worth. things will get better, try and be more positive, look at what is good not what is bad. |
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s1nfully_1nn0c3nt Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105Watertown, NY |
I Think Your Poem Is Great It's Simple In It's Own Way Yet Deep.......Hope To See More From You~!~ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
me too |
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