Seemed Like An Ordinary Day

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Dark Poetry #4

Seemed Like An Ordinary Day

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-11-27 01:33 AM

There was a different kind of beauty in your face
Something there gently
How did I miss it?
One day it was comfortable in those eyes
Then it left you all alone
With nothing to call your own
And you just ran away

You surrendered
A white flag gripped in your palm
The dancing light left your face
In the shadow of something
You can’t control

Now the ashes are left
In your wake
Exposed, everything’s clear
Your soul lay bare,
To onlooker’s who stare
And make comments that crumble into dust

Now, we brush away the cobwebs
From your frame
Take a look at your face
How did I miss it?

(The title was taken from a line in a song called Firesign by David Berkeley.)

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

1 posted 2004-11-27 04:28 PM

it was really nice and serene. made me feel all happy and light hearted. prob becuz i feel light hearted already but alos becuz the comfort of ur excellence in writing makes me feel that way.

great again my dear friend

LOR

you're the only one keeping me alive

brezee
Member

since 2003-06-02

Posts 140

2 posted 2004-11-27 08:18 PM

wow...this is a really cool write, it's one that just makes ya pause and go...(silent, mouth agape)...lol great job

~*brezee*~

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2004-11-28 12:40 PM

Very cool indeed.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

4 posted 2004-11-29 12:51 PM

I concur with all! And I loved the first line! This was beautifully amazing writing! And congrats, Senior Member! You've earned it ~ Great job!

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

NightFall
Member

since 2004-01-28

Posts 88
The land known as England

5 posted 2004-11-29 12:06 PM

I loved this, it flowed like words in a song, well written cool job.
NightFall

"My only love sprung from my only hate to early seen unkown and known to late" Romeo and juliet- William shakespere.

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