sense of tragedy - pipTalk Forums

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Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

0 posted 2004-11-03 02:51 PM

I lay in the dark bathroom, the street lights are bouncing off the mirror, creating obscure images.
I don't care if the shadows devour my eye sockets and the throbbing thickness of this water fills every whole in my body.
Another day at the swimming pool, lungs half full with water. Refusing to stay close to the edge.

Pull the plug, feel it drain away. I can't drown this.

Lay in an empty tub, hear the buzz of the fan. Self demeaning. Shiver again...teeth chatter.
My skin feels bought and used. My feet hang wrong over the edge.
Stare at an ugly whole in the wall. This whole is your life. It's not really as big as you imagine it is.
You can't really crawl inside it like you pretend to at noon on tuesdays.
You can't really excape. Not really.

Pull at the plug. Is the water gone yet.

Have their voices evaporated with the mist.
Have the profanities ceased to fall from my lower lip.
I lay in this room, where the mirror plays tricks.
Where my hands turn purple, and my lips crack.
The breeze dries the spit out of my open mouth, which can't seem to close.
Close the damn door. The noise is overwhelming. Because no ones listening to the actual phrases.
Its such an effort to smile above the buzz of the bathroom fan.

I still don't understand this sense of tragedy.

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

1 posted 2004-11-12 03:04 AM

wow. I really like this. You put so much detail into it - and I like that cuz it gives the poem character. I like the way you ended it - but it could be a little better. Maybe try to work it so it doesn't end with the title...
~*~peaceful~*~

"I'm just me, trapped in a body."

-peaceful_dreamer

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

2 posted 2004-11-12 10:22 AM

now that was freaking awesome!
sheds a whole different perspective on what i can do, instead, when i am in the tub.

this was such an amazing poem. deep and sense-provoking!

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

3 posted 2004-11-14 03:11 AM

I liked it. It sounded like raw, cold, dead, flesh; firm even. I see a person in the bathtub from the knees down and a point of view from the bodys head. Like the water has as much living, breathing, blood flow as the body does. They're one. This poem would definitely do some things to my head if I read it about 50 times over and over and over. Like my signature. Awesome poem.

-GIS

Doing the same thing a million times in a row will definitely affect your head. Read and pratice and read and pratice and read and prati........ead a

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

4 posted 2004-11-15 01:19 AM

I'm really sorry Lexy. My replies have all dried up, so this is the best and most honest you can get. I liked the layout, the long lines were different and the images, and the flowing words, as flowing as the water, which all went down the drain, like this reply.
Groan, I'm in such a freaking odd mood. Love your signature by the way Craig.
Hollow.
Courts.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

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