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Dark Poetry #4
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Answered Prayer
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Answered Prayer |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
I think back now to many a conversation with those who have always my all known best. Affirming time and again how idealistic my hopes, How ludicrous my ambitions to ever get close to you. Albeit awed by my attempts, they still tried me to stop. Yet, awed by your all, the tries progressed me further. I wanted to prove a nobody on the outside could reach the inside of someone deemed unattainable. I yearned. I prayed. And, at a distance, yet in your sights, I stayed. You noticed. You approached. And, from directly in my sights, you offered greetings. Years have passed since that day of first hellos. Your career's time and tour causing lapses in the word. But each time we got that chance, even a brief moment, I knew I was tap dancing all over the floor of idealism. Finally, I proved them all wrong! This time, you did allow me to get close to you. Closer than I could have aspired in my ambitions. We walked, we talked, we caught up on our journey's passings. You hugged, you tugged at my heart and shirt. "I love you" I heard as I realized my prayer was answered. "And I am so glad I got to see you one last time, before I travel back home to be with my family... and die." Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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| © Copyright 2004 Carrigan Chantz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
What about leaving to see your family after you die? The ones alive will see you at a certain place and time. Those already dead will see you after your moment of death. This poem is cool. -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i like the idea you are trying to convey in this poem but you need more concrete language you use a lot of abstarc language and it takes a lot away from me... the first stanza is good but i want to know you r ludicrous ambitions, and so on. there is alot in the poem i almost think it has the possibilty to be three of four poems...but you have a good start.. Awake through motion with curiosity to curtain your first move |
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EveGnosis Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300New York, USA |
ouch. i can understand someone unfamiliar with your style being confused, but what i got from this was your ambition was to get close to this person that other's deemed an idealistic concept. you did get close to them over time, and yet when you finally realized that your "prayer was answered", and that you were close (maybe love?), they had to say goodbye because they were dying. if this is correct, then i sense a sarcasm in the title, and i feel a lot of pain in this poem. deep, deep write. i hope it is not a poem of reality...my friend purity. i'll always need a friend, one i can defend. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Am I reading you right? That after all this time, you had to leave her?  |
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News_From_Nowhere Member
since 2002-06-14
Posts 173CU, NY |
OK...before I get my ducts wrang completely... The words heard... Were they from your lips or the other person? Either way, I'm sure I'll cry. But if the words were from the "I" in this one, then a part of my heart dies with this one. Simply saddening ~ but saddeningly beautiful. "So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm" |
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