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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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the story |
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southern sweetheart Junior Member
since 2003-12-28
Posts 18 |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- she looks in the mirror wipes a tear from her cheek she looks at her arm thats cut into pieces she takes a step back but its all still the same her eyes have a blank stare her souls black and blue now he yells her name as she looks at the ground swallows really hard and goes down stairs the same old thing the same old rhyme tears flowing from her eyes he said good girl now back to bed but she had another plan she went upstairs scribbled this on the wall instead i took my life tonight im sorry i love you all [This message has been edited by southern sweetheart (10-13-2004 01:36 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 jamie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Wow...this was...deep. I love it, it makes me sad, I used to cut, and to tell the truth, sometimes i find myself doing it, and not really realizing it...its sorta habit.... This made me really really sad though. I loved it...I could feel your hatred, and hurt and love at the same time...Im sorry if this or atleast any of this actually happened... "he said good girl now back to bed but she had another plan she went upstairs scribbled this on the wall" I think you should add Instead after wall. It might keep the rhythm a little better.  Amazing write. Karissa I ask why, but in my mind, |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is amazing..... tears soaking my face right now.... ive almost done something like that and that has just brought everyting back to the surface.. i guess i still have unfinished buisness there i need to sort out.... and i agree with karissa.... use instead after wall and it flows heaps better for the ending thankyou so much for this piece well done... keep them comin Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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News_From_Nowhere Member
since 2002-06-14
Posts 173CU, NY |
What a sad write, me southern sweetheart! I felt her pain! And as much as I figuratively hate the outcome, I love the ending, literally! Great poem!! "So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
sad hard to read really good poem though, the theme was so sad, and upsetting that so many can relate well penned love and empathy darkness nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
oh god sparked tears sad sad sad, breathe, phew. tragic and clever Hollow. Courts. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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