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Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

0 posted 2003-10-15 01:57 PM

Nothing but the broken, shattered fragments,
of a tattered soul.
Elements of time
escaping, slowly,
through the smallest holes.
And you,
in borrowed arrogance,
in power you pretend to own,
look down on injured, weakened foes;
you act
is if you'd dealt the blows.

But I know better,
Brutus, friend.
I perceive your fiendish plot.
I believe --
believe you not.
You're undermined in callous rot.
You're bastioned in your folly,
pride.
You've left yourself wide open,
blind,
to every discontented wretch who might,
in their fetid unrest,
decide it's time to make you pay.
Trust me, that they will,
someday.

While I,
unshaken,
watch you fall,
reaching out to push you along.
And I,
well-founded,
still stand tall.
I make your frail facades stand strong.
And mock you
with your stolen strength --
the playthings you pretend to create.
Send them out to crush your face,
to spit upon and stomp your grave.

But hold it not against me, love.
I only end what you began:
these men you held yourself above
have every right to hurt you back.

And I am swift to lend a hand.
So swift to aid your reprimand.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

1 posted 2003-10-15 08:23 PM

You left me speechless...

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

2 posted 2003-10-18 12:13 PM

ouch!!
A purge well done, and I like the form.

Thanks,
coyote

Asian Rain
Member

since 2003-10-11

Posts 73

3 posted 2003-10-18 08:51 AM

A very powerful write and your line breaks set the pace so that every line gets the reader's full attention. Excellent write in both form and content.

Asia

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

4 posted 2003-10-19 11:46 PM

hmmmm...
I liked it, it flowed, it was strong.

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

5 posted 2003-10-21 12:21 PM

That's great. Your comments are wonderful encouragement. Now I know that I'm not the only one who liked those aspects. Now I know how to write more!

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

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